Sofia Vergara and Onion Crunch mogul Nick Loeb broke up about 20 minutes ago and some judgmental whores think that it’s way too soon for her to jump on a new dick part-time, but when the new dick belongs to Joe Manganiello, I say jump, bitch, jump and jump some more. The easiest way to get over your coked up, call girl-collecting fiancé is to get on Joe ManJello. When Joe gets naked in front of Sofia, her punane says, “Nick who? Both People and UsWeekly say that Sofia is power washing away the thick layer of call girl snatch nectar and coke snots that Nick left on her coochie by rubbing against Joe ManJello’s washboard abs.
UsWeekly says that Sofia and Joe first met at the White House Correspondents Dinner in May, but nothing really happened then, because she was with Nick at the time. Now that her chocha is free to frolic amongst the peens, she and Joe have been spending time together and he went to see her in Louisiana where she’s filming a movie with Reese Witherspoon. The source said that it’s really, really new and they’re just getting to know each other. Some insider said that Sofia has always been Joe’s dream piece and when he’s not doing one million crunches to keep his abs looking like a turtle shell, he’s fapping to Sofia’s picture. The “insider” said this:
“Sofia is Joe’s dream girl! He’s been smitten with her for years. He’s always had a huge crush on her. Things are going well for them so far.” Says the first source: “Sofia had no idea that he had been crushing on her for a while.”
Both People and UsWeekly spit out this story at the same time and they both included old quotes from Joe where he said that Sofia is the sun, moon and stars to him. And this story came out the day after his (NO SPOILERS) big episode on True Blood, so this love feels like it was born in the inside of a manager’s office . Their first date probably happened in a conference room where they signed the contracts for their trial-run PR relationship. But I will one hundred percent believe that this is one hundred percent real if a well-lit, HD sex tape starring the both of them leaks. And I will really, really believe their relationship is real if the camera only focuses on Joe and only he has a boom mic over him so his wolf groans drown out her exaggerated ass accent. Basically, I want a StraightGuys4GayEyes sex tape starring Joe (and featuring Sofia). I will completely believe it then and buy everything that publicists are selling.