Nervous giggling is pretty much what came out of the chapped whine hole on Kanye West’s face when Charlamagne Tha God spit truth bomb after truth bomb at him during an interview The Breakfast Club a few months ago. Charlamagne stamped the word “HYPOCRITE” on Kanye’s forehead and told him that the video for “Bound 2” was like wet shit splattered on a green screen. Kanye didn’t even look at Charlamagne and when he wasn’t giggling nervously, he kind of spoke calmly for once and didn’t shout out a rant. Kanye did what forest rangers tell you to do when you come across a rabid Khloe Kardashian in the wild. You don’t make eye contact and you don’t make any sudden moves. But I guess Charlamagne wasn’t at Kuntye’s show in University Park, PA last night. Because Kanye suddenly had something to say and screamed so loud that he burnt the tips of Kendall Jenner’s nips in NYC.
While dressed like the member of the most annoying cult ever (or like a chorus member in a low-budget community theater production of Jesus Christ Superstar), Riccardo Tisci’s special Valentine punched the pause button on his performance of “Touch The Sky” to bust out another toddler tantrum that Justin Bieber’s au pair usually hears when she forgets to pour the codeine in his SpongeBob sippy cup full of Fanta.
Today is not the day, so I’m not going to transcribe all the shit nuggets of rage that shot out of Kanye’s mouth, but here’s a few quotes. I did them ALL-CAPS-style, because it’s the only way.
IF I GO TO A RADIO INTERVIEW SHUT THE FUCK UP!
IF YOU’RE ON YOUR TALK SHOW AT NIGHTTIME SHOWING A PICTURE OF ME WALKING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
WE THINKING ABOUT SHAKESPEARE! WE THINKING ABOUT BEY-TOE-VEN!
2013! SPOOFING AND TRYING TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT WHAT WE DO! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THE PAST 10 YEARS OF YOUR PAST MOTHERFUCKING LIFE? CHARLAMAGNE! SWAY! THE FUCK YOU DID?
I AM YEEEEEEEZUS!
When the crowd starting chanting “Yeezus” (which still sounds like a cutesy named you’d give your yeast infection), it was like watching a sermon at a fucked up cult. Pass me the donation basket, because I’d like to drop a clue and a tranquilizer disguised as a Skittle in there. But I guess all those people got what they paid for. When you go to a Kanye show, you expect to see him dressed like a citizen of Tatooine and you really expect him to split your last nerve with his screaming.
I bet every poor dog wearing a shock collar within a ten mile radius of that show hates Kanye a little something extra today, because when he started screaming like an extra mad Cartman, they got zapped to hell and back.