Bend That Pole, Hugh, Bend That Pole

July 30, 2013 / Posted by:

Hugh JackMeOff wasn’t going to let puny ass Nick Jonas be the only trick showing his muscle-wrapped muscles off today, so he tweeted this picture of his skin screeching for dear life as it tries to hold in his bulging veins while he lifts a bunch of oversized checkers (or whatever those things are) at a gym in NYC. Once Hugh dropped the bar and re-attached his arms to his shoulders, he tweeted the note, “If the bar ain’t bendin, then you’re just pretendin.” That’s one of my mottos too! My other motto is, “If my guts ain’t bustin’, you ain’t a thrustin.

There’s so much going on in this picture and I have a lot of questions. Who is that silver fox in the mirror? Is that Anderson Cooper sitting on a Sybian or is it Bob Tuschman? Does it looks like his peen is resting its head on that bar while his other muscles scream for mercy? Wouldn’t that extra chunky belt look better with a thin summer sweater and leggings? And are you making the same face Hugh is making when you look at those horrific ass glove shoes?! I don’t care if they serve a purpose. If you really don’t want Quentin Tarantino to flirt with your feet, put those dark-sided things on. Nobody will want to fuck your feet if you wear those. They’re like stained granny panties for your feet.

And about Hugh’s face…..

hughconstipationface

He looks like a bearded cherry tomato. Now we know what Hugh’s face looks like when he prolapses while suffering from a severe case of the hard shits and we also know what his face looks like the moment he realizes that getting DP’d isn’t really for him.

And I was joking when I said that nobody wants to hump Hugh’s feet in those glove shoes. I’d totally do Hugh’s feet, fugly ass glove shoes and all.

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