Only Took Her 15 Years
When whatever is left of your purse line is sitting under a layer of dust in a cardboard box on the top shelf in the stock room of a Filene's Basement in Rockland, Maryland, it's time to pay for your Brazilian blowout bills by opening your mouth about the time you opened your mouth on the Commander-in-peen.
Monica Lewisnky's immunity deal stopped her from barfing out all the details of her time with Bill Clinton's peen, but that agreement expired over 10 years ago and so she's been quietly trying to find out how much money she can get for a tell-all. The National Enquirer (via Radar) says that when Monica asked,"How big of a check can I get for writing my memoirs, which I'm going to title either 'A Million Little Cum Stains On My Blue Dress' or 'Tuesdays with Whorrie'", one publisher apparently told her she can get up to $12 million. So suddenly the world calling you Humidor Crotch doesn't seem that bad. Some source put it like this:
"Monica has tried to move forward, but the nightmare of her affair with Bill still haunts her. She’s facing 40 without a man in her life, and seething about the way her reputation was destroyed as the whole world watched.
Monica wrote the letters on her computer. In them, she opened her heart about her love for Bill and how much happier she could make him than Hillary. Some of what she wrote was so raw that she never sent them.
With Bill’s history of heart problems, her book could be more than just revenge, it could kill him! For years, Monica tried to protect Bill out of a misplaced sense of loyalty, but she no longer feels that way, and her memoir is his worst nightmare.
After testing the waters through publishing contacts, Monica learned she could get $12 million if she recounted every juicy detail of the scandal."
I've always wondered why Monica Lewinsky hasn't written a tell-all for millions of dollars. My guess was that she wanted to respect Bill and wanted to distance herself from the whole mess. But fuck that slut Bill with a cigar and fuck distance. How many of us can say that 15 years after we sucked some peen, someone offered us 12 million dollars to talk about sucking said peen? The only thing I've gotten for sucking some peen is a waiting list appointment at the free clinic and an indistinguishable sore. Monica's got the Midas tongue and she's my new American hero.
And to promote her tell-all, Monica should do a cover of this classic masterpiece.
• 
LOL at "Monica has tried to move forward..." What?! Lewinsky, WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW FAR THE CIGAR WENT. We heard our former POTUS say "just the tip" and THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO HEAR. ugh. Plus 15 years??! MOVE YOUR FAT ASS FORWARD STAT. Grow up at some point too. ugh
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“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” —Carl Sagan (RIP C.Hitchens, Winehouse, Houston, MCA, Dillon, Armstrong) *caprica six was/is here*
"With Bill’s history of heart problems, her book could be more than just revenge, it could kill him! For years, Monica tried to protect Bill out of a misplaced sense of loyalty, but she no longer feels that way, and her memoir is his worst nightmare".
Did an ex-Dynasty writer pen this?
--thanks awfully--
Submitted by LASux on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 3:40am.
Can't this cock whore wait till AFTER the elections to further smear a democrat?
Why???????
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Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.............Elvis Presley
The story about Obama and the Clintons has been out for awhile. A right-hand with Steven Spielberg was the one to first bring it to light while making a documentary about Hillary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWGCuxQIZjs
http://godfatherpolitics.com/4506/obama-campaign-threaten-life-of-chelse...
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Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.............Elvis Presley
She's had the same fucking computer for TEN YEARS??? No crashes?? Riiigghhhtt.......
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Back from vacation? Vacation from where? The Willy Wonka factory? The Al Jolson Resort? MERCURY? MK - 8/1/12
It cost millions to catch him with his hand in the Nookie jar
I don't think profiting from being part of infidelity is good. That said, it is unfair/bewildering that after some time Bill was allowed to move forward and continue thriving (how many people did I see fawning over how cool he was giving the DNC speech?) while her life is at a stand still. She was definitely a slut doing what she did knowing he was married but HE was the one married! They should both suffer, whores.
Submitted by edmmaster on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 4:25am.
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Clinton was impeached over perjury and obstruction of justice, not because he stuck his dick in this idiot's piehole.
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 12:35am.
Now I suppose this will be made into a Lifetime movie with John Travolta as Monica.
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LOLOLOLOL!!!!
I can understand wanting to tell "her" side of the story - but the timing seems strange Mitt (yeah figure your campaign is behind this) - I remember when this all hit the news and I was in Europe at the time... when this hit the news there the big questions was "what does this have to do with being a President or doing your job?" and that was accurate... this was a personal thing - nothing to do with how you run a country - get with it America - scandals are one thing but really? so we all have things going on in our personal life... how much does this affect your job? Time this girl gets something back... but not at the expense of taking someone else down... you did this for fun.. so did he... now do it smart... and the population should see know it has nothing to do with running a country... just a guy and a girl... name me a monumental decision affected by this...
Submitted by LASux on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 3:40am.
Why? Elections are basically all about which candidate looks slightly less disgusting than the other, so I doubt this will make any difference.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Can't this cock whore wait till AFTER the elections to further smear a democrat?
Wow MK...thanx for the Vanity throwback track.That synth line was basically the soundtrack for every straight porn flick shot in the 90's.
*leaves computer to walk off boner*
Oh...and what publishing entity thinks this chick can be worth 12m ?! Would've loved to hear how that calculus was arrived at.
Submitted by Scott in NYC on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:54pm.
Submitted by estee logger on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 8:32pm.
LOL!! Are you for real? You just have to be kidding because your posts are too funny.
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Unfortunately this IS what she believes.
The TROLL bitch got BANNED less than 2 weeks ago(her old screenname was gladyslove)but then joined again like an incurable virus that infects Paris Hilton's vagina!
Submitted by _fail_ on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:39pm.
LMAO at the conspiracy theories. If anyone has some bodies buried out back, it's Dick Cheney.
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He drinks and shoots people in the face right out in the open! hardcore.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
LaChayChay: maybe it was Arby's?
Submitted by Whatever on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 9:43pm.
Does anyone care anymore?
No.
Now I suppose this will be made into a Lifetime movie with John Travolta as Monica.
submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:14pm.
couldn't she just change her name and have that record sealed?
Yeah but then how will she get all the attention she craves
Submitted by Tyroan on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 11:29pm.
I heard the offer was $12 million in Dairy Queen gift certificates.
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Ty love, say it ain't so!! :-( Not Dairy Queen!!
Well if Kim Kardashian can parlay a sex tape with pee into a reality gig, let this woman parlay an ancient romp into a pay day. No big deal these days.
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
I heard the offer was $12 million in Dairy Queen gift certificates.
Submitted by estee logger on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 8:32pm.
LOL!! Are you for real? You just have to be kidding because your posts are too funny.
LMAO at the conspiracy theories. If anyone has some bodies buried out back, it's Dick Cheney.
Monica Lewinsky needs to get on with her life. No one cares. It is old news. I still can't believe she held on to a dress with cum stains. That someone would pay 12 million for that tired story ? What can she say that tabloids haven't already told us of the sordid details ? Stay in London, ho. Shut up !
she cries she can't have a normal life, but couldn't she just change her name and have that record sealed?
No one would care, and any man who cared for her wouldnt either.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Submitted by estee logger on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 8:48pm.
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You're the TROLL that just won't go away. Even after you get your ass banned for trolling you just re-join with a new username.
You're like the herpes that infects Paris Hilton's vagina...there is no way to get rid of you.
Submitted by CashewTime on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 5:55pm.
Actually I read that she DID, she went to London and got a MD. But the dumb bitch still feels that her life is ruined.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Because everybody cares about a sex scandal 15 years ago. Bitch, every time I see some sort of story on you, it's all about how BOOHOO you don't have a man cuz of the Clinton scandal.
Yeah, being part of an infamous sex scandal would probably make it somewhat harder than normal to find a decent man, but not impossible. Women who've done worse and suffered worse have found decent mates, you know.
Basically, grow up and stop blaming the Clintons for your fucked-up life. You're a grown woman, so act like it. Maybe the reason you're still single is because of a problem with YOU, not the Clintons.
But at least her immaturity and revenge might make for a hot mess of a tell-all. I'm hoping for lots of total denial, irresponsibility, demonization and general batshittery. Bring it on! I expect to either be bored or entertained.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
No one cares. She's a slut and a whore. Even Barbara Walters bowed to her and handed her the Golden Kneepads Award, and that was hard for BaBa WaWa to give up to just anyone.
She was known in the White House to be chasing any peen she could. She even made a play for Stephanopoulos, so he says.
Boo the eff Hoo Monica, you made your choices. And your disgusting pursuits changed history for the worst.
So STFU.
Does anyone care anymore?
I bet she signed some agreement to keep quiet for 15 years and now the contract is up, she wants to get paid. I don't like her or Bill, but I do feel bad that she's been painted with a Scarlet Letter while he has gone on to be paid huge sums for his speaking engagements.
I don't want to get Migraineuse on everyone, but I do find it appalling that married men who cheat are treated, at worst, as though they're naughty boys while their sidepieces are labelled "whore." (Not an Angelina fan, but I'm annoyed that she got so much more flack that Brad in that situation).
How sad is it that little girls will grow up seeing that you can become famous and (if she sells all these details) wildly rich just for sucking a powerful man's c$ck, whereas being a teacher or an accountant will mean many years of drudgery and barely being able to pay your bills. *sigh*
Submitted by Kizzy on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 9:11pm.
You're the most famous cocksucker in the world, girl. You betta get dat money!!
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LOL Kizzy, I'm sure there are many others... but considering her fame, she hasn't done much. Didn't she have a line of handbags, then nothing going on, and then not much else... no wonder she figures her diaries might be worth something. She's a snoozefest... hahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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She deserves $12 million just for sucking Clinton's cock. Damn, that thing must be so disgusting and 4 inches AT MOST. Anything less that 8 is not worth touching. BUT, I doubt she'd get anywhere near that much money for writing her book because that whole debacle is ancient history. She essentially disappeared and is now coming back for the cash. I don't blame her but I don't think many people would be interested. Hello, B&N bargain shelf!
ho, please!
who doesn't have a cum splattered dress from Bill Clinton???
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"Oh, let me see if there's any fucks stuck under
my nails. Nope. Fresh out of fucks."
You're the most famous cocksucker in the world, girl. You betta get dat money!!
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by estee logger on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 8:32pm.
Maybe it was payback for Clinton offing Ron Brown. Or maybe the Clintons offed the dude themselves. Or maybe the murder only happened in conspiracy theory land.
If Bill had been smart he would have sent her a love note and a check years ago to keep her mouth shut. But being cheap and an egotist he thought she'd be dicknotized with puppy love for life.
Hitting 40 pushes away the cobweb of delusion from a woman's eyes.
Slutty McSlutface is a big goldigging slag. And Slick Willie is no better, for being a cheating ho and asking her to LIE about their affair under oath.
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
Another opportunistic famewhore wants to get paid...cue mi sorpresa.
I'm a diehard repub, gotta respect Bill his savvy&intelligence(just naive about interns);
sue the pants off Monica!
He ordeal? This cow slept with a married man before Clinton, kept the cum splattered dress, spoke to the woman who resembled the transexual, Linda someone, who told her who to call about the affair and now it was an ordeal, if it was, it was of her own making, she's is slut and nothing more, a slimy slut who doesn't take any responsibility for her part in the affair, poor me, bullshit.
Methinks the Clintons will be writing a big check soon.... Or maybe there will be a Lewinsky Stadium or something.
Seriously though, hard to believe she would come this far and bring it all up again. is it just me? i'd be embarrassed.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 5:43pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 5:41pm.
She's facing 40 without a man and that's because of what happened over 10 years ago? Could it be that she's fat-assed bore?
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OH MY GOODNESS PLEASE DON'T BE IRRATIONAL!!!!
I really don't see what's irrational about it. She might be good sexually but but what do you talk about after that? Bill Clinton?
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Screw that. I'd sell every juicy detail for 12 Million too! Bill was a manwhore; should have kept it in his pants.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
This Lewinsky trick is still around? For $12 Mill she could pen The 50 Shades of the Cigar-Sucking Affair and make a fortune! She already has a basis for the manuscript maybe she could get that Meyers woman to ghost write it. hahaha
Hope she had the smarts to trademark that name... ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Bill could still get it!
I love how you know who Vanity is, and THIS SONG. "He made such a pretty mess on my dress!"
Submitted by Glambert on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 5:59pm.
Well if a fictionalized made for TV movie says it...
Oh, brother.
Whilst Clinton was in office my portfolio made more money than any president since then. Bottom line.