Laugh To Keep From Crying For Help: The Prince Albert & Princess Charlene Interview
Prince Albert of Monaco and his imprisoned, contract wife Princess Charlene sat down for an interview with CBS This Morning and it's exactly the kind of interview you'd expect from a couple who never fuck, can't stand each other and are only together for image purposes. "Awwww, memories" said Katie Holmes.
When Holly Williams asks Princess Charlene how she's enjoying married life, she nervously and awkwardly laughs before letting out some canned answer. If you put a microscope up to that laugh, you'd see the words "HELP ME! OR AT LEAST GIVE ME A STRONG ROPE SO I CAN HANG MYSELF FROM THAT BOOM MIC!" encoded into it. At one point, Prince Pierced Peen calls a time out on the interview while Princess Charlene wishes she can call a time out on her life. Princess Charlene is then asked what qualities drew her to Prince Albert and again, she laughs to keep from saying that it wasn't a quality that pushed her into the arms of her husband, it was a pistol pointed at her back by an armed guard. An interview between John Travolta's hungry hole and a vagina would be less awkward than this. It's a mess.
As Lainey points out, Princess Charlene only looks happy when she's laying her eyes on the hot swimmers. When she's with Prince Pierced Peen, who really does look like a pierced penis head (swollen and confused), she looks like she's trying to find a door or window that isn't locked. If this icy interview came in cube form, you could use it to make the vodka on the rocks you'll need to down to get through this bizarre as all hell conversation.
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'Just days before the wedding, french newspapers reported that the bride had tried to run away ...'
@_@
Hahahaha!
He pauses the interview after Charlene turns to him and throws the "what's it like to be a princess" question on him.....that may be the only clue I ever need....
Remember how unhappy Diana would look when she was still with Charles? Watch the parts where Albert is talking.... Charlene looks so sad & unhappy. I wonder if he beats her.
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
Goddamn. Imagine being that interviewer getting that assignment. Monaco? Suhh-weeet! These two? Fuck.
In a sense, he is a million times more awkward than she is. With her, it's obvious that something is amiss but it's b/c of the circumstances (her bizarro "marriage" and her inability to speak about it with any credibility). With him, that awkwardness is probably his baseline. I bet he is awwlways like that. Regardless, you'd think that the two of them would've given some forethought to the fact they were doing a sit-down televised interview requiring them to talk about something, mostly one another, with a barely-known third party.
Never in a million years could I be a royal.
"What the fuck do you mean I can't say 'fuck' in interviews?! FUCK YOU!"
Also, and this is super bitchy of me, but the shit that the Fug Girls write about these two is soooo hilarious.
And on a serious note...this poor woman looks so unhappy. Worse than Katie ever did, and the only way she can get out of this is if she provides him an heir...I'm sure he'd let her leave then.
ETA: Oh, and I totally believe that she tried to leave before the wedding.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
I was thinking the same thing. One of the problems in the marriage is that the wife is dumber than a box of hair. I believe in south africa, they speak english, so that wasn't the issue.
They were softball questions. The media outlet showing the interview interruptions and speculating about the marriage problems will ensure them no further interactions with the royal family--seemed shortsighted and non-professional.
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Submitted by mefunigirl on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 7:42pm.
You could sit me next to a stranger, tell me I have 10 seconds to tell the world what attracted me to him, and I could bullshit my way through that question better than this woman could about her "husband".
You could sit me next to a stranger, tell me I have 10 seconds to tell the world what attracted me to him, and I could bullshit my way through that question better than this woman could about her "husband".
"His eyes were kind" "he seemed so relaxed and easy to get to know" "he was so charming and call me old fashioned, but I still love that" BLAH BLAH BULLSHIT like that 'cause you get to be a DAM PRINCESS for it!!!
someone needs to give her the handbook on being a public persona. sheesh that was awkward as all hell.
*goes back to bitterly mopping kitchen floor
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
the hell did she marry his douche to begin with?
no pity from me.
you signed the contract. now live w/the turd.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Terrible job. She could take a few acting lessons from Kelly Preston or Katiebot, the experts in fakery.
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It's PHELPS time!
Submitted by CoconutCoochie on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 6:13pm.
As for him being gay, what gay guy fathers 2 illegitimate kids with 2 random women? He's no homo, he's just really weird.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep. Not gay, just weird. Any gay man would find it super easy not to randomly knock up two different women.
Submitted by Niko on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 5:31pm.
What's wrong with a mixed colour heir to the throne? He's got a few.
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It's not the mixed race that is the issue but illegitimacy. Illegitimate children can't inherit most thrones.
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I don't know. From what I've heard she's very uncomfortable with the whole protocol issue and that could very well be the reason why she's super awkward.
Sure, she married a prince, and you could argue that she knew what to expect, but I think she's trying to be a different kind of princess, somewhat more down to earth, leaning towards a more progressive way of embracing royalty.
Just like the fact that the new French president has a long-term partner as opposed to a wife, you could not imagine that just 20 years ago.
As for him being gay, what gay guy fathers 2 illegitimate kids with 2 random women? He's no homo, he's just really weird.
Seriously want to apply for lamp-lighter/bathwater filler/tea-time setter or whateverTF asinine job they have at those palaces, just to see/hear first-hand what delusional and juicy shit is going on within those four walls. And wtf is "Oh, can we get a time out?"?!? Disturbing ugh. Zero warmth between them too. Bitch knows how to swim and she needs to pull a fake death like J.Roberts did in Sleeping With The Enemy. Dye that hair dark; let it grow or shave it all off, whatever, and live in a trailer where NO royal would set foot in. Boom, simple.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*
She looks totally uncomfortable being on camera, the interviewer lady was terrible, and Albert has been doing this all his life, so he knows how to do it even if he is a giant twat. Maybe she's dumb, too, I have no idea because I don't follow them. It would suck being married to royalty though and maybe she knew what she was getting into and maybe she didn't. Don't really care anymore 'cause I'm saving that for any future spawn of theirs.
Wow. Some publicists should be sacked for arranging that train wreck. English is her first language right? I know South African's speak a lot of different languages but I can't imagine that she wouldn't speak English.
Crap that looks totally awkward with the sound off. Has Princess Plank (she's has a much talent for faking it as my floor boards) pumped out any spawns yet?
Why the hell did he marry her?
~So long, and thanks for all the fish!~
I'm with you Niko. For all that's holy, why can't this twat at least remember her few lines!!! She made her bed. It was her choice to do this. It's not like she's holed up in a jail in Burma!
He looks equally disgusted. Claudia S. would have been better...at least until she popped out an heir.
Sad family. They say that there is a curse on the Grimaldi's since the Medieval times. Something about a slain someone...
Least I forget:
@ interview:
Sheesh, after one year this dumb shit can't even answer the question of what's it like to be a princess with old chestnuts like "It's great to being able to help... (add what you like), to be able to represent our wonderful people..."
The way Albert interrupted the interview at one point and his all around pissed off impression on the wife's gormless performance are priceless. Poor man. Throw her off a cliff. The only similarity with Grace Kelly that would be btw.
What's wrong with a mixed colour heir to the throne? He's got a few.
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Auri sacra fames
She can't back out. She'll end up of over a cliff. You in danger gurl.
Can't watch the video.
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
His smile really looks like his mom there. I've never really seen the resemblance before.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
I'm probably the only (female) here who finds Albert not so bad after all, he's not really ugly compared to other Royals, and does a good job, f. ex. getting Monaco out of being this shady tax dodgers haven into which his old man gladly put it in the first place.
I feel more pity in this marriage for him than with "Charlaine". Being totally uneducated she at least had a freshness and self confidence about her which apparently he was attracted to and made him feel secure about his choice initially
but even after several years of rehearsing she still isn't up for the job, starting with her ridiculous lips and tits and now when it's time to perform she's totally wobbly. He should have gone for Claaawdia Schiffer, they were bonking at a time and she - much as I loathe to say it - would have handled the job infinitely better than this insecure bore.
He has quite a mean sense of humour too, which endears him to me and sadly he will need tons of it in the years to come.
@ agirl
She obviously got married against her will, stays married against her will, and gave up the swimming she loved, against her will!
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Married against her will? What century do you live in? Being an outdated middling swimmer she went for the Cote d'Azur, the big life, the wealth, the Prince, with some gorgeous outfits thrown in for fuck's sake. Beats waitressing I guess. Only it now turns out a bite too big to swallow because hey, it's still a job which does require some stamina and grey matter! Calculating bitch, IMHO.
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Auri sacra fames
AAAAAAAAAAAWKWARD!
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
Can we form a DListed Rescue Crew and go around the world saving people and keeping them in a celebrity sanctuary? Charlene, the Jackson kids.....
Why can't she answer the question about what attracted her to the prince? Looks like she is the one keeping the rumors alive about the relationship being bullshit.
Who knew that "what attracted you to so and so" was a "GOTCHA!" question?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
And yes, the princess seems like a stranger, pulled off the street and told to pretend that she's married to this schmuck.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I couldn't handle more than two minutes of this interview. How they can handle more than two minutes with each other is mind-boggling.
He seems like a goofy dick, and she seems like a vacant, awkward zombie. Sheeesh! Divorce already.
He probably beat the crap out of her for not having her answers memorized.
Don't they have PR people who could have coached them a little, told them what kind of questions to expect, and given them a few canned responses?
she's an idiot
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Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 2:12pm.
How does Prince Al have a yankee doodle dandy acccent?
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His mother was the daughter of a wealthy Irish bricklayer in Philadelphia.
Albert totally has a Main Line (Philly 'burbs) accent. Grace actually affected her vaguely European accent to disguise her nasal Philadelphian english.
I was just looking at a 1958 LOOK magazine with Princess Grace and baby Albert on the cover. He's barely changed!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Awkward!! I don't know anything about them or their situation, but she looks like she's being held captive by him, afraid to speak.
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Chewinsmoke: ya, she tried to book it but her passport was confiscated and she wasn't allowed to leave the country. Basically forced to marry the ugly penis head.
New York's Central Park is larger than that little piece of shit Monaco. Does that mean we should bow down to Mayor Bloomberg?
The only reason Monaco is still on the map is because of Grace Kelly. Her children are dysfunctional nuts.
Gawd that was hard to watch. She can't even fake it, not for a moment! Reminds me of Katie and Tom, how she (Katie) did not give one genuine smile for the whole time she was with TommyGirl.
Imagine what it is like behind closed doors? (((shudder)))
Why did she have to give up swimming? I don't get it. And it was laughable how the interviewer said to Charlie Rose after the interview that what's-her-name was a strong woman who wouldn't do anything she didn't want to do. She obviously got married against her will, stays married against her will, and gave up the swimming she loved, against her will! You just reported it!
Why all this pressure to get married? Sheeit,I'd much rather be single.
Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 2:12pm.
How does Prince Al have a yankee doodle dandy acccent?
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His mom was American, and he went to college in Massachusetts.
Damn! That was awkward. Girlfriend looks like POW.
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 2:48pm.
I still think being this guy's beard would be a lot more exciting than what I'm currently doing now.
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I think your being his beard would be a lot more interesting for me, too, than this cardboard cutout. Let's make it so!
snowy: With my second and third, I dragged those babies everywhere I went. Had no choice. Mr. Hekki works all damn day, and someone had to drop the kid at preschool and pick her up and shop for groceries and shit. The middle and last two LIVED in the Bjorns.
I was BFing and it's not like they were licking the floors or anything. Newborns are pretty sturdy.
But I wouldn't have gone anywhere unnecessary, like a movie or soccer game when they were brand new.
Is she Morse code blinking for help? I think I saw her do that. Can we get a Dlisted rescue crew together for this ho?
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She ripped off that "recommended" response from Diana. She was asked that same question during a honeymoon photo op.
gilly-yo I agree.
You are in a position to be in the public spotlight. Get some media training and do some good will.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
This was one hot mess of an interview. Jeez, they can't even PRETEND for five minutes! I agree, get the in vitero insemination done and get the fuck out of there.
Jeez, just have the mandatory legitimate heir and stop this nonsense already. Collect your money and go.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Meh...she made her bed. I'm sure she had plenty of chances to get out before just days before the wedding without any harm to her or her family (if any of that is even true).
What's really sad is that she isn't embracing the opportunity. Get some poise and elocution lessons, get a stylist, and dedicate yourself to some public cause...do something worthwhile to make your celebrity and riches worth something. Then she'd not waste her life and boost her self esteem. Geez!
I suppose it's true that you ought to be careful what you wish for. Being a princess isn't all it's cracked up to be when "Prince Charming" doesn't love you.
Chewin, except she behaves like she's completely under his thumb! *Spooky* Imagine that, an accomplished athlete and she's acting like Katie... bah! He has more experience in the public eye and seems all shy but he's not exactly a lamb! lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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