Mimi Is Going To Be So Jealous

I was ready to devote this entire post to Madge trying to hide the zombie veins on her claws with some leftover gloves from Michael Jackson’s “Bad” video, but then EVERYTHING changed when I came across this picture of a beautiful butterfly who fluttered off of Mimi’s album cover and has now settled on the Madge side. That beautiful butterfly is Madge’s publicist Liz Rosenberg (I think) and it’s got me wondering why she’s the publicist and that pinched plastic vampire piñata is the star. It should be the other way around, because a grown ass woman wearing some butterfly shit on her head outside of a rave or a children’s birfday party needs publicizing!

There are a lot of reasons to hate living in this world (example: former Hot Slut Sandra Rinomato quitting Property Virgins!!!), but one reason to love living in this world is a woman matching her eyeshadow and phone to a butterfly headdress for the London premiere of her master’s movie. I mean, an actual caterpillar spins a cocoon hoping it comes out as grand as Liz here. Now on to those gloves….

We all know Madge’s hands could spook the One Ring out of Mount Doom, so I don’t know why she’s hiding that shit with those weird gloves. They ruin her entire ensemble. A cape that should only be worn by a vampire going to a swingers party does not go with gloves that should only be worn by a chorus member in an 80s musical about the Bloods. Madge should just let her Gollum hands hang out. Besides, how is Madge going to catch an English virgin to feast on later tonight with those slippery ass gloves on her hands?