Oh Here Go Hell Come
Ben Affleck had a smile on his face and a BOOM on his eye when he was photographed leaving a block party for the rich with his wife Jennifer Garner and daughter yesterday afternoon in Brentwood. Those of us who are slaves to scandal have already come up with an elaborate explanation for Ben's black eye involving Not Blake Lively's nude pictures and Sydney Bristow's fist. But no, that's not what happened. There's a million explanations for Ben's black eye.
Ben could've been fapping in an extremely tight space and over lubrication caused his hand to slip off his peen and slap right into his eye. It happens. Ben could've been taking his own nekkid photos in the bathroom and just as he was arching his back to achieve that ultra sexy pose, his foot slipped on a shower puddle and his eye went into the faucet. It happens. Ben could've also caught Gigli on cable and his natural instinct took over when he punched himself in the face. More than likely.
But what I think what really happened is that Ben ran into Blake Lively's publicist at the block party and during their conversation she let him know that he had a little potato salad on his cheek. That's when she rubbed charcoal dust under his eye so everyone could bring up Blake Lively's name in a post that has nothing to do with Blake Lively. Damn, she's good.
Yup! That's the non-elaborate explanation for Ben Affleck's not black eye!
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Submitted by sushi on Sat, 06/04/2011 - 9:38am.
I never really got the appeal of Jennifer Garner other than great dimples. She may be America's sweetheart, but for some reason, I wonder how true that really is. She strikes me as a desperate clingy type that he treats like shit.
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Didn't she leave her husband for Michael Vartan and then break his heart? She may be tougher than she looks.
Submitted by hotpocket on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 10:34pm.
Battered Hollywood husbands, a silent epidemic. Don't suffer in silence Ben, there are people here to help you. It's not your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
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hahahahaa
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Englishman In New York
Look at Maria Shriver, she looks amazing for 55, if she had let herself go, people would totally be like, well, why WOULDN'T he stray, look at her!
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Centy, I love you. But I have to disagree with you about Shriver.
She's so skinny and creepy looking to me.
I never really got the appeal of Jennifer Garner other than great dimples. She may be America's sweetheart, but for some reason, I wonder how true that really is. She strikes me as a desperate clingy type that he treats like shit.
I always wonder what it would be like to live inside MK's head. I could get stranded on a deserted island then, without even missing a TV or computer because all the imagery is already there.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
that dude shows up with a different hairstyle and hair length every other day, WTH?! that blind item couldn't be any much closer to the truth.
I wanted to expand on my earlier comment about Jen needing to get herself together, lose weight, get a makeover.
I made that comment on my phone, I couldn't go into detail.
What I meant was, if Ben leaves her or cheats on her, fair or not fair, since she is chubby, poorly dressed and frumpy, the nasty comments will come in that it's HER FAULT.
Looking great is the best revenge.
If she looks her best, people will be angry at HIM.
Look at Maria Shriver, she looks amazing for 55, if she had let herself go, people would totally be like, well, why WOULDN'T he stray, look at her!
Fair or not fair, this is the world we live in.
Kate Middleton got her prince because when he dummped her, she lost a little weight, and was seen everywhere having fun.
If she had holed up in sweats with a pint of Ben & Jerry's, he'd probably be married to Pippa.
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GERONIMO!
Battered Hollywood husbands, a silent epidemic. Don't suffer in silence Ben, there are people here to help you. It's not your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
He looks like Robby Benson.
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GERONIMO!
"...he was arching his back to achieve that ultra sexy pose, his foot slipped on a shower puddle and his eye went into the faucet. It happens."-MK
THIS. LMAOOO
He obviously borrowed Ralph Macchio's rug from DWTS's.
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GERONIMO!
Are there any pictures of these two fucks showing any kind of affection towards each other whatsoever? They ALWAYS look so damn bored together.
Who gives a shit about the clothes or the black eye, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT WIGGGGGG?????? My God, I had no idea he was bald! 0_0
His hair looks fake. His beard looks sprayed on. And that's not a real black eye.
What is this about?
.
.
Gosh he is a snore, even with his good wig. I kind of miss him with JBlow though.
He got sucker-punched by an irate Shakespearean actor.
......
Come on LeBron, put your Mavericks jersey on
Why oh why do they make that poor little girl wear those terrible librarian chains on her glasses??? It just adds to the awkwardness. Poor thing.
wtf? he's bi??
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'Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now'-BK
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 11:55am.
"..Affleck got all kinds of cozy with a man that was undeniably "frilly", if ya know what i mean... he paid for said guy to fly to California to "hang out" with him...
i can't say if Affleck got the shiner from what, but i'd give a different guess than this story."
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Are you suggesting that Affleck was aggressively and repeatedly teabagged by Cisco Adler (or his anatomical equivalent) resulting in a black eye?
Sounds feasible to me. :D
Sessy. Hmmm she does look vex. Did he really mess with Blake Deathly? Hmm I always wondered how he went from fly Jenny from the Block to boring Jen. 2
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'Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now'-BK
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 11:44am.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Elin Woods 2.0.
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Submitted by Slurpee on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 12:05pm.
It probably came from one of Matt Damon's balls.
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That's why I love this site. I was lurkin' here for a week or two, but just had to join in the fun. Some of these rich bitches DESERVE to be slammed, flamed, etc. For their fucketry.
And MK's slams are sometimes just mind-boggling. I dunno how many times I've gone "Ohhh, dayum!" and it was a slam so fuckin hard, like Mike Tyson punching someone thru a damn wall. And then the whole wall collapses on them.
It's a slam book for growed-ups. Lol. And a reality check for these poor, lost Hollyweird souls.
And yeah Jen often looks like she shops at KMart for the fam. She's a Texas gal, so maybe she's trying to save money? Imagine that... someone in La-La Land not blowin their money on solid gold toilets, 2 million dollar (right, right <_<) engagement rings, hummer limos an' shit.
"Oh here go hell come!"
LMFAO! I almost had forgotten about that gem. Thank you MK, thank you!!
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My name is Manye, Manye Breast
Even though I like Ben, if he was cheating with Blake, I hope Jen Sydney Bristowed his ass and Spy Daddy has a bead on him.
"Wow - are we dishing on their clothes? I think they look pretty good. Even with the Illuminati prison stripes (where IS MadCatter anyway?!)"
Some people where further down the thread. Saying she looked frumpy, needed to lose weight (the fuck?!) get a stylist, etc. I agree with other people - they look appropriate for the occasion and when she steps it up when she has to. She always looks gorgeous on the red carpet, so I don't get what their beef is.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
Wow - are we dishing on their clothes? I think they look pretty good. Even with the Illuminati prison stripes (where IS MadCatter anyway?!)
♥ Threadkilla!
EveryStrangersEyes long lost baby video uncovered!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAQra8wJ0ws (thanks sugarfreeredbull:)
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
I'm going to defend her style as well. She looks fine. She's at a friggin' BBQ. She's wearing cute flats and casual pants, top. It matches, it's clean and she has two young children. I'd rather see this outfit than the fucking ridiculous getup Katie Holmes was wearing on the beach the other day (cutoffs, heels). I mean, seriously, she's already married to that Affleck douche. Isn't she suffering enough?
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 2:21pm.
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Totally agree. Her clothes may be boring, but at least they're clean. I have kids and anytime I wear anything nice to a kids birthday party, I can guarantee you someone will manage to get a stain on it. It doesn't even have to be my kids that do it, but maybe a friend's kid who has filthy hands and rubs them on you as he toddles by. Next thing you know, you're down at the dry cleaner who raises his eyebrow "Oh, we'll try our best but I can't guarantee anything." If she were to wear something flashier, everyone would accuse her of being a diva. Not that I like Jennifer Garner, but I can see why she dresses the way she does.
Maybe it's all the paint thinner I've been huffing today, but I don't mind these two. I think Jennifer Garner might look frumpy compared to celebs who are always dressed in case the paps take their photo, but to me, she's normal.
They don't whore out their children like Tom Cruise does... in fact, I feel bad for them because the paps are always staking them out when they're just picking their kids up from school and taking them to birthday parties and stuff. It's not like they're taking Violet to the fucking accessories counter at Bergdorf like Suri Cruise.
This is what they wear to a PARTY of rich/famous neighbors? FRUMP FRUMP! What Not To Wear has proven that being a full time mom does NOT necessitate sagging, bedraggled, sad-looking clothing.
She can be so hot but she just looks like she doesn't give a damn about herself. They have money, she needs a stylist.
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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
Hekki and ISprained,
I'm with you guys. I can't believe she's getting accused of being frumpy. Damn. She seems like a great mom and dresses like she's out to enjoy her children. I love how her kids always look like well-adjusted, happy kids too. Out of the Hollywood moms we are witness too on occasion here... this one wins, as far as I'm concerned.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 2:21pm.
I'mm'a stick up for Jennifer's "frumpy" outfits.
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For me it's not so much about the frumpiness as the boringness. I'm a practical person myself, I dress for the occasion and I don't wear heels and pearls to schlep around the house.
But I'm also a creative person, and I like color, and contrast, and style. Where is the color? It's just all so blah. At least contrasting black-and-white would be something, but those olive-drab "pants" are awful and that sweater looks like she picked it out of a free box. To me, clothes are an opportunity to have fun and express oneself. I can't fathom why someone would consciously CHOSE to wear these articles of clothing. And the fact that the little girl is wearing the exact same boring outfit as her mother depresses me.
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
Team Frump!!!
..." spotlight-fucking plastic Thundercat and her publicity stunt partner who looks like an F-list gay-for-pay porn star named Gaylor Lautner." ~MK
Co-signs Hekki. She dresses up just fine when she needs to. I don't see anything wrong with what she's wearing or how she dresses when she's bumming around with her kids. Some people just can't fucking win.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
I'mm'a stick up for Jennifer's "frumpy" outfits. I don't know if any of you critics have kids, but if you are really a hands-on mother of small children, there is NO POINT in dressing in nice clothing. From the moment you put them on, your clothes are going to get wet, schmutzed, dirty, etc. Forget the cashmere sweaters and nice jeans and leather shoes and necklaces, etc. It all gets ruined. She has different priorities than women like Camille Grammer.
Team Frumpy Mom Who Isn't Afraid To Get Dirty Playing With Her Kids!
Seriously I thought it was John Fucking Edwards with that hair. If he's considering a political run he's certainly got the hair for it.
..." spotlight-fucking plastic Thundercat and her publicity stunt partner who looks like an F-list gay-for-pay porn star named Gaylor Lautner." ~MK
Never mind the damn eye. Is that his hair? I mean, I don't know. Gets thicker every time there's a new pic. Just like Piven.
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You're under arrest, sugar!
And I don't wanna miss a thaaaaang..
*bursts into snot and migraine tears*
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 1:03pm.
Jennifer Garner is so frumpy. All her casual-wear looks like pajamas. I wouldn't kill her to throw on some cute jeans or a dress. Geez.
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I remember when pics surfaced of her wearing a torn pair of granny-panties (they were showing out the top of her pants) and everyone was all "well, maybe it was laundry day."
Nuh-uh. Schlumpy schlomoes, the two of them. And look, it's rubbing off on their kid. You'd think at least the child would be wearing some color but no - she's wearing the same boring outfit as her boring mother. ugh
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
cake, coke and cock- that damn Aerosmith song makes me stabby.
No interest in those type of movies. will not watch ever. :)
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All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm
With the way Ben and Jen dress, I think they're trying to say, "We won't let Hollywood change us." And I'm like, "Doo-doo caca."
Fuck Pearl Harbor, Parissucksliterally, but Armageddon? I automatically lose my shit just thinking about it lol. IMO it was probably Bruce Willis' AND Liv Tyler's best performances ever. (plus, that shit is on TV every other weekend. catch it one of these days. it'll change your life lol)
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
Ben and Jennifer are in a competition on who can look like the biggest hobo in Brentwood.
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So far, Jennifer is winning.
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"Dancing is dreaming with your feet."
His hair looks like a toupee.
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Refused to see "Pearl Harbor" and "Armageddon". still haven't sat through either of those crapfests.
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All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm
if jennifer and ben divorce the world will be a better place , i cannot stand her.
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In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies. Horton Hears a Who!
I've been a sucker for Ben since Armageddon, so go ahead and shoot me. Jen, on the other hand, with her squinty eyes and stupidly misplaced dimples and mommy jeans is absolutely insufferable.
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
Jennifer Garner is so frumpy. All her casual-wear looks like pajamas. I wouldn't kill her to throw on some cute jeans or a dress. Geez.
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Douchechill!
check out balloon in thumbnail #4....LOL