One Last Shot For The Road!
The alcohol supply in England is surprisingly starting to dwindle again and the country is very close to begging Ireland for a bailout. Before they resort to such extreme measures, they are sending their biggest consumer of booze off to the tank so that they can replenish their sweet nectar resources. Smirnoff's favorite blow job partner, Amy Wino, has once again been shipped off to rehab for the (insert the number of times in the past 10 minutes you've sniffed Wite-Out to get you through this Friday morning)th in her lifetime. But before the coke line on my mirrored heart checked into rehab, she left England with one last parting shot!
The Sun says that minutes before Wino surrendered herself into The Priory, she stumbled into a nearby hair salon and gave them something to remember her by. One customer said that Wino ran into the salon's bathroom and loudly hacked into the toilet. The sound was not unlike that of a zombie getting murdered via chainsaw fellatio. (A customer was smart enough to record Wino barfing into a toilet and they have since sold it to the sound editors of AMC's The Walking Dead).
The customer said that the staff was too scared to say anything. Wino apologized for ruining their bathroom with her puke. Minutes after Wino left, men in yellow astronaut suits swept in, tented the place and shuffled the customers off to a year-long quarantine. The toilet was later sold on the underground black market to North Korea who will use it as a weapon of mass destruction.
Naturally when one pukes, one wants to rinse out the layer of vom from their mouth with heaven's tears: VODKA! Wino walked into Meadway Food & Wine, and bought a bottle of Smirnoff vodka. Wino blessed her insides by taking a quick swig before leaving the store to check into rehab.
If I got a vodka shot for every time I typed "Oh, Wino, Wino, Wino..." I'd probably be puking my liquefied liver out into a beauty salon toilet. But I'll type it one more time: Oh, Wino, Wino, Wino! What we really need from her is a new album. That's what we really need. At this point, I'd even settle for an album of her barfing into toilets, gargling with vodka and ripping out a rehab technician's jugular vein with her bare teeth for filling her IV drip with nutrients instead of gin. Wino can call it Barf This Way. Her first singles will be "Edge of Gory" and "Pukis." I'd totally buy it on Amazon for 99 cents!
@Manimal5,
Another overlooked, groovy track?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB6D3mWSOtY
I'm stating the obvious, but it would be nice to see Wino come back. Autotune is just horrendous.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 8:57pm.
Good choice.
"Oh, Wino, Wino, Wino..."
This reminds me of a Bill Withers song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo&feature=related
Amy, I wish you the best.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpz2AWu4PZg&feature=related
ANOTHER off to rehab post?
OMFG this had me reeling laughing at the description of Wino's last moments before fucking off to rehab... AGAIN!
How can someone who drinks so much be so thin? I cannot understand that. I know she's probably too fucked up all the time to think of eating, but still, vodka, etc has shitloads of calories and her tolerance is so high that she probably has to drink like 10k calories worth of booze every hour just to get a tiny buzz, so... hmm, what the hell?
She's destroyed her voice with drugs and booze.
It's all over. :(
Smirnoff is so so...Stick to Grey Goose or Three Olives vodka, and those hangovers won't be so bad. It's the cheap stuff that rots the gut.
She and Blohan should hang out. See who can out drink who.
The ol' boot and rally. I would give her a round of golf claps, but in her case, I do not approve!
Is it me or is Amy jaundiced?
I have done a lot of drinking in my life, but NEVER after having to puke, have I wanted to be anywhere NEAR another alcoholic beverage.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
p.s. And he eats like shit. I've only ever seen the dude eat hamburgers for years now. Maybe one a day.
Yep, I'm surprised he's not dead. Really. I didn't know you could live without water. But apparently the body is very resilient.
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 10:03am.
He was a partier fuck up in high school. He'd gotten kicked out of school in alaska before coming to california, so I think he was partying there too. What is that 28 years or so? I'd say he was hard drinking after high school as well as doing lots of drugs. He has been saved a little bit over the last few years in that he worked on rotation in alaska, so he had to be sober somewhat for two week periods when he was out on the field on his job, though they still let him drink near beer. But he was drinking hard when he was off the slope and would inevitably have DT's when he boarded to plane to go to work. They gave him physicals for work and would tell him he was fine. But you know how those physicals are. And I don't think they can check cirrhosis until an autopsy is done. I don't think he's fine. And now he lost his job in December, so I think, though not sure, that he's slipped into drinking all the time now. He is probably also doing lots of drugs since he doesn't have to do pee tests. Yeah, don't think he has long. Stage 3 alcoholic for sure.
Submitted by kiwikim on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 9:55am.
"A guy I went to high school with drinks 15 beers a day and then hits the vodka and pain pills at night. He's 43. I've never seen him drink a glass of water. He says he gets water in the beer. You can continue a long time as an alcoholic. I didn't think you could live without flushing out your liver once in a while with water, but apparently that's not the case."
________________________
How LONG has he been drinking, if I may ask? (You say he's 43 now.)
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am not here to fight. I am here to make love.
As a liberal, whale loving, pro-homo, liberal I'm against nukes.
As a D-lister, I'm ready for the world to unite for ten minutes and drop every nuclear bomb it has on China just to get rid of these fucking lame ass spammers and their knock off Tory Burch bullshit shoes. Die spammers, die.
Skin on arm...around where the leather jacket is. Looks like a 90 year old person.
A guy I went to high school with drinks 15 beers a day and then hits the vodka and pain pills at night. He's 43. I've never seen him drink a glass of water. He says he gets water in the beer. You can continue a long time as an alcoholic. I didn't think you could live without flushing out your liver once in a while with water, but apparently that's not the case.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 9:29am.
================================================
She's been circling the bowl for a while now. I understand she does have talent and it's always a shame to see someone piss it away.
My God, her liver must look like an old loofah at this point.
WTF happened? The last post about her not long ago Amy looked great (for her).
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Whamo: "She probably heard Adele sing and realized the music world doesn't give a shit about her or her recovery anymore and it was either fall off the wagon or hang herself."
Sad but true. We can all be replaced.
I love Amy, but I can totally see her circling the bowl.
Woo! The original Wino has returned!
+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+
"I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!"
Spambot hell.
"as am I..."
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 9:15am.
To be fair, I do this too ;) I can't help it...Doritos are delicious!
So is Smirnoff, but at least wait till you're seated in the car.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 8:42am.
If you can't make it out of the store without taking a swig, you're a flamin' alkie. It's akin to those obese folks who tear open their giant bag of Doritos long before they check out.
________________________________________________
To be fair, I do this too ;) I can't help it...Doritos are delicious!
Just like Dreamboat Pete Doherty, Wino's pissing away her considerable talent. It's a shame. I love "Back to Black" and I hope she manages to get off the bad shit and release more albums, but realistically, this probably won't happen.
*******************************************************************
""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
@ swarm-of-locusts
gah! he's as bad as Papa Spears. The show must go on, nevermind the fact that you're a falling down drunk or catatonic mess.
Based off the look on her face, you'll need a tazer and a straitjacket to wrassle that vodka bottle from her.
@Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 8:59am.
"Apparently she's going there to get an assessment because Daddy told her she likes the sweet nectar way too much."
________________________________________________
More like daddy told her it would be great if she cleaned up so she could do some tour dates with him.
http://www.monstersandcritics.com/people/news/article_1641575.php/Amy-Wi...
**************************************************
Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
" the coke line on my mirrored heart"
Michael K stands alone as the funniest, most talented blogger out there.
Having lived in the French Quarter and done a good amount of travel, I'd award the British as the messiest drunks. Not only over there, they'd even stick out on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras.
So much for having a baby.
-------------------------------------------------
"if there is one thing I like more than suckin dick, it's whoopin ass" POW! overheard by bambam
Apparently she's going there to get an assessment because Daddy told her she likes the sweet nectar way too much. I think the assessment has already been completed. When you pop into the liquor store for a last hoorah before checking into rehab, I think the writing is pretty much on the wall,no? Her liver must hate her.
there's your daily dose of Japanese spam. enjoy.
I do love vodka so I can sympathize with Amy. I prefer mine with bubbly water and unsweetened cranberry juice, rather than in the produce aisle with my stomach bubbling over.
but that's what makes Amy a star. A dirty star, but a star. I truly so wish her well, whether this is her third trip to rehab or just the next in a series of three hundred.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"yes, bitch - it IS caused by global warming."
I think if I was getting a bottle for the road I'd splurge on something a little better than Smirnoff.
I had to go to rehab with a family member on family night, and what I learned was that once you get sober, if you slip and go back to drinking/using, most addicts will pick up right where they left off as far as amount used, and since your body isn't used to that, it's the most likely time an addict will die. So anyways, all these trips to rehab for Amy and then using again is a very dangerous cycle.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I see nothing wrong with any of this....
_____________________________________________
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You fucking cunt." ~ the delicate Sweetas 04/21/11
LOL'D ALL OVER MYSELF!!
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
If you can't make it out of the store without taking a swig, you're a flamin' alkie. It's akin to those obese folks who tear open their giant bag of Doritos long before they check out.
If the narrator of Drinking: A Love Story was a high-functioning alkie, Wino is a low-functioning one.
This is just the yearly springtime cleaning for Winehouse before they send her out to twitch, shimmy & warble her old hits at festivals. Amy isn’t 30 and already she’s a novelty act.
**************************************************
Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
What ever happened to that album she's been recording for the past 2-3 years? and like Lindsey Lohan, how does she have any money left?
Never cared about this revolving door addict.
**************************************
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me...
is she even relevant anymore?
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Hey. Ain't got much on this bitch. Alcohol addiction is serious shit. I should know.
Once I've kicked it to the curb myself, I'll make further comment.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am not here to fight. I am here to make love.
She probably heard Adele sing and realized the music world doesn't give a shit about her or her recovery anymore and it was either fall off the wagon or hang herself.
I was thinking more that she could remix "Walk This Way" to "Barf This Way", and then she could collab with Aerosmith and Run DMC could do a rap to it.
Love the children crossing sign in the background. She's hopeless.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by ningeong on Fri, 05/27/2011 - 8:28am.
* throws hot bag of dicks * SELL THIS FUCKKNUCKLE!
Submitted by daisy100 on Tue, 05/17/2011 - 9:41am.
Daisy was wondering why Raul talks in the third person
Raul doesn't always talk about himself in 3rd person but when he does I do.
Aaah Lady Amy, you're no good....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmHX7wzx2ps
************************************************
♫I used to be a swinger, until Snowy wrapped me 'round her finger, just like a Yo-Yo...♫
PLEASE clean up, Amy!! The only reason Rebecca Black, Kesha and Wind-up Brit exist is because Wino is out of the game.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
twerk those stumps!
so much for getting her body "baby ready" :P
The puke was overheard saying " I QUIT THIS BITCH!"
Submitted by daisy100 on Tue, 05/17/2011 - 9:41am.
Daisy was wondering why Raul talks in the third person
Raul doesn't always talk about himself in 3rd person but when he does I do.
Hey, fuck off, you spamming asshole! Leave us some room to make fun of the rehabby mess that is Crackhouse!
***************************
"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997