Category: Layla Flaherty

Portrait Of A Layla

January 23, 2012 / Posted by:

The Mona Lisa has had a good run as the First Lady of High Art, but the time has come for her to slide off of the wall, because a worthy replacement has emerged in Desperate Scousewives star and my personal deity Layla Flaherty. You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t wait 2 hours in a line outside of the Louvre to see the stunning portrait above behind bulletproof glass:

It’s meant to be, right? It’s like the Mona Lisa is only meant to be a preview for the true work of beautiful art that is to come. I’ll add your name to the “Layla Flaherty To Replace The Mona Lisa” petition I’m going to send the Louvre.

In just a couple of weeks, Layla Flaherty has made me a believer of whatever she’s preaching by carrying herself with dignity, grace and class. Take the other night for instance. Most whores would spend their night getting so fucked up on the sweet nectar that they’d suck off anything, make an ass out of themselves in the middle of a Subway and eventually pass the hell out on a street barrier before getting carried to their car (like all of us!). But not Layla. Layla spent her night cleansing that dirty, slutty city with her vat of holy water mouth. Layla baptized the head of a lip gloss peen! Layla baptized the wrapper around a foot long (I bet that foot long was so pissed it was wearing a paper condom)! Layla baptized a Sprite bottle! Layla baptized the glass door of a Subway that probably has already been baptized by the piss splatters of a hobo! Layla baptized a dress bow! And after all that baptizing, Layla grew so exhausted from all her charitable deeds that she passed out and had to be carried back to her church by one of her disciples.

If this isn’t proof that Layla is the second cumming coming, then I don’t know what is.

Graceful In Every Sense Of The Word

January 19, 2012 / Posted by:

Layla, you’ve got me on my knees and worshiping at your pristinely exquisite feet.

You can pick up your cape from off of the floor, because I know that when you see such a refined lady like this your instinct is to throw some cloth down so her gentle feet won’t sweep against the dirt of skanks. But Layla Flaherty of Desperate Scousewives (and the newest sparkly charm that hangs on the edge of my soul) is of the people and the Goodwill Ambassador of Ho Shit spread world peace as she spread whiskey saliva from her tongue on trick after trick when she left a club in London last night. Lady Layla not only wrote a new definition for elegance by humping a cab seat, but she also showed us that she’s multilingual by articulately signing the phrases “fuck you,” “eatin’ pussay,” and “dirty sanchez” in ASL. Words are cheap when you’ve got two fingers you can use to make the symbol for cooch.

Why is Layla not teaching children?! Our future needs to look just like this. I’d get my dead body cryogenically frozen so that I could come back and live in a world where everyone is as gracefully demure as Layla. Finally, a lady.

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