While the Internet losers their mind, fights, cries and strangles kittens over Ben Affleck being the new Batman, here’s something tingly to soothe your nerves and to make your b-hole squirt out a drop of liquid sunshine. Richard Simmons’ “Hair Do” song glued itself to the inner parts of my brain when his lyric video came out and now that I’ve seen the full video, it’s cemented itself to the inner parts of my brain. This is like a gay dream on cotton candy-flavored Ecstasy. Seeing Richard Simmons in various kinds of drag next Pandora Boxx, Delta Work and other Drag Race queens has made me pucker from places I didn’t know existed. If I had Jesus’ cell phone number, I’d totally text him the link to this video with the question, “This is what prom in Heaven looks like, right?”
In related news, MTV announced today that Lady CaCa has been pushed to the pre-show in the lobby of the Barclays Center and Richard Simmons will now open the VMAs.
When I woke up this morning, I was hung all the way over, I was bloated from eating Peeps wrapped in slices of maple glazed-ham and my nostrils were filled with dried snot plugs from allergies. But when I saw this at Buzzfeed and hit play, my head cleared and I could breathe again. This gay Brazilian twerk team cured me! They knocked my hangover out of me with their paddle ball asses!
This shit is mesmerizing and should be an Olympic sport. But if twerking was an Olympic sport, Scientology would probably win the gold. Because John Travolta, Tommy Girl and David Miscavige shake their asses more than this when they’re trying to get the sex juices out of their butts after a particularly messy Scientology-sponsored orgy.