Take Cover! Hulk Hogan Is Going To Shoot Out An Orange Stream Of Excitement In 3…2…

No. Nude pictures of Brooke Hogan didn’t leak. Gawker filed for bankruptcy.

Back in March, Hulk Hogan won a total of around $140 million after a jury decided that Gawker Media was in the wrong and violated his privacy by posting clips of a heave-inducing sex tape he unknowingly made with his friend’s then-wife Heather Clem. Gawker’s lawyers responded by asking the judge to reduce the settlement or issue a stay to give them time to appeal the decision. Judge Pamela Campbell didn’t shrink that $140.1 million settlement, but this morning, she granted Gawker a stay. Politico reports that Gawker responded to that by filing for Chapter 11, which means the entire company (including all of its sites like Gawker, Jezebel, Gizmodo and others) is going to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.

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Gawker Better Take That Jar Of Change To Coinstar

This is going to buy the Hulkster a lot of pre-ripped tees, overused tanning salon packages, and spandex stretchy pants! TMZ claims that Gawker Media, founder Nick Denton and editor A.J. Daulerio might end up owing cartoony racist ranter Hulk Hogan as much as half a billion. The Gawker Media gang was found liable in court this week for posting a sex tape vid starring Hulk and a former friend’s wife on their site. (I refuse to type “Bubba the Love Sponge.” Argh, I just did.)

According to him, Hulk’s personal narrative turned tragic after he split with that hot piece Linda when the sex tapin’ cam caught him dropping the n-bomb causing the WWE to axe his leathery ass. Hogan has already been awarded $115 million in compensatory damages. This week, the jury will decide what to award him in punitive. According to Harvey Levin’s House, the legal tea is that the Florida Supreme Court ordinarily awards punitive damages that are two to three times more than compensatory, which means that Gawker Media may end up owing Hulk Hogan close to half a billion dollars. Was the jury imported directly from the Hulkamaniacs fan club? Was the foreman wearing a red and yellow do-rag as he read the verdict? Did Hulk promise that daughter that he’s way too into to someone in the box?

Gawker founder Denton has said that they plan to appeal the verdict. Look for them to install a GoFundMe plug-in on the Gawker site to start collecting the 50 million required for the bond to appeal. That being said, does anyone know if Hulk will be needing a live-in houseboy? I’m white if that helps.

Pic: Wenn