Category: Conor Oberst

Conor Oberst Drops Lawsuit Against The Woman Who Falsely Accused Him Of Rape

July 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Last week, Joanie Faircloth released a “sowwwwwwy” for trying to ruin Conor Oberst’s life by accusing him of raping her after a Bright Eyes show ten years ago when she was a teenager. Joanie said in her statement of sorries that she created that work of fiction, because she was going through a hard time and her attention spot needed scratching. When most hos need attention, we write the word “I NEED ATTENTION” in a silver Sharpie on our bare ass cheeks and run down Santa Monica Blvd. naked (yes, that was me), but Joanie decided to go the life-ruining route by pulling some Alicia Silverstone in The Crush shit. Conor’s dad and manager (dadager? fathager?) claimed that his son lost $700,000 in album sales and licensing from being called a rapist. Conor is no longer going to try to get some of that money he supposedly lost, because he has dropped his $1 million libel lawsuit against Joanie. Conor probably figured that suing a chick for $1 million when she probably doesn’t have $1 million is like trying to pull a rational thought out of Kanye West’s brain.

Buzzfeed says that Conor’s laywer filed papers to get the lawsuit dismissed. Conor’s publicist released this statement:

“Conor had his lawyer ask the Judge to dismiss the complaint against Joanie Faircloth. Conor’s only goal throughout these court proceedings has been to expose the truth. As per his statement of last week: he looks forward to moving on to happier times.”

Joanie never took her story to the cops and never filed a police report against Conor, so she can’t be charged with first degree lie-telling.

I like that Conor said he’s looking forward to happier times. I’ve listened to every Bright Eyes album and judging by his songs, you’d think that he was permanently trapped in a dark cloud of Emo-ness and has never experienced a drop of happiness ever. So if he really is moving on to happier times, his career is over for real!

And I guess this has taught me, once again, to not believe everything I read on the Internet. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write a post about how Joe ManJello is just using Sofia Vergara as a leased beard to hide his hot, gay relationship with ASkars and I know this to be a one hundred percent fact, because I read it on a True Blood fanfic site.

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Conor Oberst’s Rape Accuser Takes It All Back And Apologizes

July 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Last year, a woman named Joanie Faircloth anonymously claimed in the comment section of a story on xoJane that Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes raped her after a show in 2003 when she was a teenager. Joanie later told the whole story on Tumblr and it was picked up by everyone and Conor got the RAPIST!!!! label stamped onto his forehead. Conor immediately said Joanie was spitting out lies and her bullshit fraudulent story was an insult to real victims of rape. Conor filed a $1.2 million lawsuit against Joanie and demanded that she admit her story was made of pure fiction. Conor’s  lawyers spent 7 months trying to contact Joanie and they didn’t hear a thing from her until she gave them a notarized statement where she admitted that he never raped her and she did it for attention. Um, sticking a lit sparkler in your b-hole before doing naked cartwheels down the street is the correct way to get attention. Falsely accusing someone of rape is not the correct way to get attention.

Conor’s publicist gave Buzzed her statement:

“The statements I made and repeated online and elsewhere over the past six months accusing Conor Oberst of raping me are 100% false. I made up those lies about him to get attention while I was going through a difficult period in my life and trying to cope with my son’s illness. I publicly retract my statements about Conor Oberst, and sincerely apologize to him, his family, and his fans for writing such awful things about him. I realize that my actions were wrong and could undermine the claims of actual sexual assault victims and for that I also apologize. I’m truly sorry for all the pain that I caused.”

While Joanie was hoping that everyone would forget about her calling Conor a rapist and it would all just go away, his publishing company didn’t pick up a $200,000 option and he says it’s because of the rape accusation. Conor’s father and business manager said that he got the best reviews of his career for his latest album, but it still sold a lot less than his previous albums, because nobody wants to buy an album from a rapist (Well, except for Lady CaCa. She’ll not only buy a rapist’s album. She’ll work with one too!).

So that’s sort of that, I guess. Joanie has earned a place at the top of the VIP list in HELL and Conor is vindicated, so Uncle Terry and R. Kelly will stop calling him to ask him if he wants to collaborate on a “project” together.

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