Conor Oberst Drops Lawsuit Against The Woman Who Falsely Accused Him Of Rape

July 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Last week, Joanie Faircloth released a “sowwwwwwy” for trying to ruin Conor Oberst’s life by accusing him of raping her after a Bright Eyes show ten years ago when she was a teenager. Joanie said in her statement of sorries that she created that work of fiction, because she was going through a hard time and her attention spot needed scratching. When most hos need attention, we write the word “I NEED ATTENTION” in a silver Sharpie on our bare ass cheeks and run down Santa Monica Blvd. naked (yes, that was me), but Joanie decided to go the life-ruining route by pulling some Alicia Silverstone in The Crush shit. Conor’s dad and manager (dadager? fathager?) claimed that his son lost $700,000 in album sales and licensing from being called a rapist. Conor is no longer going to try to get some of that money he supposedly lost, because he has dropped his $1 million libel lawsuit against Joanie. Conor probably figured that suing a chick for $1 million when she probably doesn’t have $1 million is like trying to pull a rational thought out of Kanye West’s brain.

Buzzfeed says that Conor’s laywer filed papers to get the lawsuit dismissed. Conor’s publicist released this statement:

“Conor had his lawyer ask the Judge to dismiss the complaint against Joanie Faircloth. Conor’s only goal throughout these court proceedings has been to expose the truth. As per his statement of last week: he looks forward to moving on to happier times.”

Joanie never took her story to the cops and never filed a police report against Conor, so she can’t be charged with first degree lie-telling.

I like that Conor said he’s looking forward to happier times. I’ve listened to every Bright Eyes album and judging by his songs, you’d think that he was permanently trapped in a dark cloud of Emo-ness and has never experienced a drop of happiness ever. So if he really is moving on to happier times, his career is over for real!

And I guess this has taught me, once again, to not believe everything I read on the Internet. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write a post about how Joe ManJello is just using Sofia Vergara as a leased beard to hide his hot, gay relationship with ASkars and I know this to be a one hundred percent fact, because I read it on a True Blood fanfic site.

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