Open Post: Hosted By The Real Annabelle Doll––Who Did NOT Escape From A Museum

As if 2020 needed an excuse to be any fuckier. Despite earlier reports that the dead-eyed doll Annabelle, who was the inspiration for those “The Conjuring” horror movies about a possessed doll that terrorizes its owners, had sat the fuck up and walked out of the museum where she’s been chilling for years, I’m happy to report that the story turned out to be a big, fat lie. We can now thank our lucky stars that, in addition to COVID and the war on mailboxes, we don’t have to spend the rest of the year worrying about a creepy doll roaming the streets.

Following yesterday’s news that the real-life Annabelle doll had gone missing from the Warren’s Occult Museum in Connecticut, Entertainment Weekly has reported that the terrifying story was all a misunderstanding. For those who haven’t seen the movies or know the history, the Annabelle doll was obtained in the 1970s by paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren (played by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga in the “Conjuring” movies), who claimed that it was demonically possessed.

The reality is that, following Lorraine’s death last year and the 2017 closure of the museum, the doll, along with a ton of other creepy shit, is currently in storage at Lorraine’s son-in-law’s place. So no big deal (unless you’re Lorraine’s son-in-law).

In case you were wondering what Annabelle has been doing during quarantine, New Line Cinema, the company behind The Conjuring movies, released a video capturing the doll’s every move:

Wonder what Annabelle has been up to in quarantine? Happy National Doll Day! pic.twitter.com/E6Dq2TtaLi

— New Line Cinema (@newlinecinema) August 2, 2020

Needless to say, 2020 has done us all so dirty, so I’m still going to keep off the streets after dark on the off chance that I happen to bump into Annabelle. But then again, even Annabelle is probably smart enough to social distance from us humans during these times of corona.

Pic: Twitter