Open Post: Hosted By The Bear-Scaring Robot Wolves Of Japan

That wolf looks like it was thrown together using an off-brand Black Panther mask, old Christmas lights, and a costume from Cats, but yet it’s still more lifelike and terrifying than the wolves from Twatlight.

In 2017, farmers in Japan started testing out the robotic Monster Wolf robot (seen above looking exactly like me after I push out the last drop of boxed wine on a Friday night when BevMo! has already closed) to scare off wild boars who kept messing with their money by eating their chestnut and rice crops. Well, I guess the face of Pimp Mama Kris’ soul is scary enough to make a bunch of wild boars skedaddle in fear for their mommies because these Monster Wolves are now being used to shoo away bears.

Kyodo News reports that from April to September 2020, there were 13,670 bear sightings in Japan, and last year, 157 people suffered bear attack injuries and one person was killed. And just last month, two women died after being attacked by bears. Scientists believe that bears are running out of acorns to eat so it’s brought them out into the land of humans to look for food. So because of this, the city of Takikawa, on the northern Japanese island of Hokkaido, bought two of those robotic creatures that look like the stars of a True Blood/Westworld crossover episode.

The way a Monster Wolf works is that when its sensor is triggered, its red LED lights blink, its head goes from side-to-side, and it let out sounds that probably sound like Ozzy Osbourne’s fuck moans. It’s enough to scare away a bear, apparently.

Since putting its two Monster Wolves to work, Takikawa has had zero reports of bear problems. Other towns are getting themselves a Monster Wolf too. Since 2018, Ohta Seiki, the company that produces the Monster Wolf, has sold 70 of them. They reportedly cost around 514,000 yen, which is about $4,950.

It’s great that the Super Wolves are doing the trick, but it’s a pity that I don’t live in Japan. I’m much cheaper and would do a better job. I mean, whenever I put on a harness and assless shorty shorts and sashay into a bear bar, I clear the place in one millisecond flat. Take that, Monster Wolf!

Pic: YouTube