Open Post: Hosted By Pumpkin Spice Spam

The pumpkin spice craze might have officially gone too far with the invention of Pumpkin Spice Spam. I’m not sure why Spam chose to do us dirty like this because everyone knows Spam is supposed to taste like salt and meat(ish) chemicals. NOT like a Porky Pig fart after he guzzled down an overpriced Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. Spam doesn’t need to lower itself to a craze that was meant for white girls to know fall is starting.

According to The New York Post

Yes, it’s Aug. 14. Yes, sidewalks are still glistening with midsummer garbage vapors. Fall is more than a month away, but its emblematic flavor is prematurely pouring it on: Dunkin’ Donuts has released its pumpkin spice latte, along with a pumpkin-scented lip balm to mark the occasion, the company announced this week.
The ubiquity of the autumnal drink seemed to reach a fever pitch last fall — but this year, the flavor is officially getting canned.

Spam, never to be outdone, has unveiled its own demented take on everybody’s favorite orange gourd: Pumpkin Spice Spam. The canned meat product — which spawned a viral fake in 2017 — goes public for real Sept. 23 and will be available on Spam.com and Walmart.com. The Daily Meal got an advance taste of the sweet and savory specialty and reports that it’s not … the worst thing they’ve ever tasted?

“Not the worst thing they have ever tasted” is….tough stuff. Also, as someone who didn’t get Spam as a kid, when a specific neighbor would feed me salted Spam chunks mixed with some boxed mashed potatoes, it was the closest I’ve ever felt to euphoric bliss. I’ll never understand why Spam would taint perfection with pumpkin spice.

Also, Spam joining the pumpkin spice craze might be a telling sign that it’s the end of the pumpkin spice craze. Pumpkin spice had a good run and basics everywhere will find another unifying flavor to let people know what time of year it is.

But there’s something darker brewing here. With its mystery meat foray into the absurd, the end of P-spice is nigh.
Since its creation circa 2003, PSL-inspired foods have gone through all phases of a trend’s brief existence, from earnest appreciation at its Starbucks birthplace to meme territory. Now, even Martha Stewart is over it. Last year, she declared the lattes “basic.”

Pumpkin Spice Spam means we have officially jumped the pumpkin spice shark and I’m sure this means more pumpkin spice nonsense is coming! With that being said, I am secretly hoping for Pumpkin Spice Pepto-Bismol, and I’m sure Pumpkin Spice CBD oil is already a thing. Yup.

Pic: Spam Facebook