Open Post: Hosted By Publix’s Cum-Less Graduation Cake 

May 22, 2018 / Posted by:

Note to self: NEVER go to a Publix bakery to order my usual birthday gift to myself, which is a cream-filled, dick-shaped cake with the words “Happy Birthday, You Stupid Cum Dumpster Whore” written between frosting flowers. Because the Publix bakery doesn’t appreciate the finer words in the English language. Cara Koscinski learned this the embarrassing way when Publix censored the word “c*m” from her son’s graduation cake.

Cara tells Charleston’s WCIV that she was proud of her son for graduating with honors from a “Christian-based home-schooling program” and so she ordered him a cake online from Publix. When she tried to order the cake with the words Summa Cum Laude (which I believe is Latin for “some cum louder”) on it, she got an alert saying that Publix won’t write “profanity” on their cakes. Cara ordered the cake anyway, but left a note saying what she meant by “cum.” Publix’s system probably automatically censored the word and so whoever made the cake censored it. When Cara opened up the cake, she was pissed that it was cum-less. She wrote this on Facebook:

Ok. I didn’t want to post but I cannot resist. I ordered Jacob’s graduation cake from Publix. A $70 cake!! He earned a 4.79 GPA. Publix refused to write the words Summa Cum Laude because I was using ‘profanity!’ They put three dashes instead of the word!

How utterly ridiculous and I will be speaking to a manager for a refund. Shame on you Publix for turning an innocent Latin phrase into a total embarrassment for having to explain to my son and others (including my 70 year old mother) about this joke of a cake. My son was humiliated!!!

I seriously couldn’t make this crap up!!!!

Funny-not funny.

Okay, now I really want to see a hysterical Cara explain to her 70-year-old mom why Publix censored cum while her mom looks at her like, “Girl, I know what cum is, how do you think you got here?

Publix has apologized to Cara and removed the word “cum” from their banned list.

And I don’t know if they have an Albertson’s supermarket where Cara is, but if they do, that’s where she should’ve gone for that cake. Because they didn’t bat an eye when my mom ordered my high school graduation cake, which read, “Can’t Believe You Did It, You Stupid Cum Dumpster Whore.

Pic: Facebook

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