I’m sure classy broads like THE QUEEN, Martha Stewart and Dollar Tree Martha Stewart (aka Gwyneth Paltrow) spend their days figuring out an Emily Post-approved manner to pop MDMA and trip away the better part of an afternoon. While Madonna made an entire album that was supposed to make us think she was down with Molly, middle-aged British broads have even come around to the idea – so long as you serve it with a nice cheese and cracker tray.
Metro UK interviewed a slew of middle-aged Brits who say they host MDMA parties that would fit in more with the pages of Bon Appétit as opposed to just a standard ol’ Pride Weekend rave. One even talks about how middle age had led to her friends clamming up and not really having the type of girl talk like they used to, so she called up her son to get the hang of popping ‘dem pills…and then it was off to the races:
“I phoned my son who told us not to sniff it but to swallow it, so we wrapped some of the powder in a cigarette paper and put it in Brie and all took some each… Nothing much happened for forty minutes then then the colours in the rug seemed to be a more vivid and before I know it was in an in-depth conversation about my fantasy sex life with an old friend.”
It’s nice of the son to point out they shouldn’t sniff it, but I also doubt he was like, “Now, definitely avoid gouda, but French cheese is a great pairing for a few hours in La-La Land.” Ah well, it’s nice that her Ashley’s Furniture area rug suddenly became Reading Rainbow while she was talking with Bernice about how she wants the mailman to boop her British rose with the lights on! This mystery businesswoman isn’t the only one. Female MDMA use in Britain in 2016 was four times what it was in 2013. A 42-year-old media executive who is married and has kids goes the GOOP route for her Molly and serves it in hoisin duck pancakes. It seems to be a real hit:
“Last time all the mums came over a civilised dinner party it ended with one of them wrapped up in the velvet curtains, one hallucinating at the bathroom wall and the others dancing to 90s rave music while playing bongos in the sitting room.”
They all seem to think it was fun, but they also hated the come-down and basically say Miami shouldn’t expect any of them to appear at future Ultra weekends (that’s just for you, Madge!). Although, I’m sure Gwyn and Martha read “hoisin duck pancakes” and are already competing to beat Ina Garten to the punch with seasonal summer lobster rolls with a nice MDMA drizzle.
Pic: Wikipedia Commons