Open Post: Hosted By Auntie Maxine Waters’ Reclaimed Remix

August 1, 2017 / Posted by:

Maxine Waters has become the liberal port in the shit storm that is Washington D.C. Don’t be fooled by her cute pose above as a Memaw serving food to needy: the Representative from California’s 43rd District has made a name for herself doling out one-liners and sass like Sunday samples at Costco. Before we had to start defending James Comey, Auntie Maxine stood before the pulpit and told a reporter (who asked if they could learn the details of a closed-door hearing with FBI Jimmy) to mind their own beeswax and that “the FBI Director has no credibility.” She then tossed her hands in the air and walking off (presumably to a TGI Fridays happy hour with Susan Collins, per my Capitol Hill fanfiction on LiveJournal).

Auntie M was back at it last week. Boy, the only thing Maxine rocks better than her no-fucks-given scowl and power blazers is her shade. The Trump Administration’s toady Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin was testifying at a Financial Services Committee hearing, and Maxine volleyed a question. Steve-O tried the usual politician strategy of running the clock through flattery, but Maxine clearly went to the Dionne Warwick School of “Got Your Number, Hussy.” Auntie Maxine damn well knows how fabulous she is, and she doesn’t need to be reminded of it by some Cheeto crony! So she said what I wish I could do to most of my dating life throughout college: “I’m reclaiming my time.”

Steve didn’t really get much of a word in, and even if he was trying to actually answer her question, I don’t even care! Auntie Maxine told the Congressional janitorial staff to take the day off because she mopped the floor with the Treasury Secretary. Trump is just pissed she got to humiliate him before he got around to it! Fans took note and made mock album art:

Another genius took it further by creating a gospel track to “Reclaiming My Time” (courtesy of LQGBTQ Nation), because NOTHING takes us to church these days like Maxine verbally sacrificing some member of the White House. Mykal Kilgore made an a capella version of him (six times over!) crooning out some of the most memorable parts of the hearing. “Don’t read my resume cuzzz I was there!” and “Gimme the answer to my question or don’t open your mouth again!” had me in tears. Children, if gems like this were packed into the Hymn book, national church attendance wouldn’t be so down!


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