Tom Daley And Dustin Lance Black Got Married

May 7, 2017 / Posted by:

Quintessential twink and Olympic diver, Tom Daley, married Oscar-winning screenwriter, Dustin Lance Black, at a hotel in Britain yesterday.

The Sun says that Tom re-enacted Juliet’s scene on the balcony from Romeo & Juliet before the ceremony. The BBC has a guest disputing this, but I’m going with The Sun. Not because it’s a more reputable news source, but because I want to believe that a gender-swapped selection from Shakespeare (and I’m hoping Tom was in drag as Juliet) was performed at a wedding.

That would be way more entertaining than the now-standard wedding party “surprise” line dance at the reception. Jeez, everyone’s doing those now. The bride and her father are putting on a show. The groomsmen have choreography. Auntie Bev and Cousin Kiki are doing numbers from Chicago during dessert. Can’t we concentrate on making the food better and begging the DJ not to play “Brick House” or the “Grease Megamix?” It’s like a Broadway show down at the Elks Hall now! STOP.

Anyway, the couple, who recently claimed that Tom’s supposed cheating was actually a seven-month break they were on, were married at the Bovey Castle Hotel in Dartmoor National Park in Devon, England. Tom’s from the town of Plymouth, which is 30 miles from the hotel, so at least it wasn’t a destination wedding for his family. Dustin had his clan flown in from California for the nuptials, for which they bought out the entire 58-room hotel and golf resort for the weekend.

The two of them wore suits for the ceremony and reception. Which means that Tom and his hot little bod weren’t in his work clothes… his work clothes being a Speedo. You’re going to have a jokey Shakespeare moment at your wedding and not get the groom into a tiny little tuxedo Speedo? Instead of taking the garter off the bride’s leg, you could take the Speedo off the groom. Were Tom’s groomsmen his fellow Olympic divers? Were THEY in Speedos? Were Tom’s Grindr tricks invited? Were THEY in Speedos? WAS ANYBODY HOT IN A SPEEDO?


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