Open Posted: Hosted By Two Rats Compromising

April 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Or, if you want to keep it literal, it’s “two subway rats splitting a bagel.”

Michael K sent me this link and joked that it’s probably going to be a Pixar movie someday. I don’t find anything about this remotely funny. “Revulsion” and “terror” are my words du jour when it comes to rodents. If I saw this taking place, I’d be out of that subway station and requesting an Uber so fast that those rats wouldn’t have time to spread the cream cheese.

You know in cartoons when a lady sees a mouse and loses her shit completely? I’m her. There is nothing remotely catlike, dexterous, or X-Men about me. But, there was an incident with a mouse at my day job one time, where I literally sprung into a cyborg ninja backflip and landed on a desk when a tiny, snowy-white, squeaking critter announced its presence on our office floor. That’s how much I don’t do rodents. Ok, I’m exaggerating, and my fat body knocked over someone’s blended iced mocha and broke their monitor when I belly-flopped onto their desk in terror. I can’t lie to you people.

If you can stomach it, watch rats fight and then open their hearts to each other over a bagel in the video from Gothamist, below. Do I hear CHILDREN giggling in the background? Some parent let their kids watch this disturbing incident? Hopefully someone called DCF on that parent, because that’s just wrong.

Pic: Instagram

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