Amanda Seyfried Had A Baby

March 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Sneaky wedding haver Amanda Seyfriend has given birth to a baby girl.

People reports that Karen with the meteorological miracle boobs from Mean Girls is now a parent, alongside quickie husband Thomas Sadowski. It must be a relief not to have to smell all of that Thomas Edison stuff now (?!?).

A rep for the actress confirms to PEOPLE that the couple welcomed their first child, a girl.

The announcement of the birth of their daughter comes a week after Sadoski revealed that he and Seyfried wed during a secret ceremony.

No word on a name as of yet. Prepare for insanity when it comes to that. “Amanda” and “Thomas” are solid human race names so, the celebrity baby naming WTF scales must be balanced. Perhaps “Lightsource Demi Sadowski” or “Pan-Eau-Chocolat Ellen Sadowski” or “Empress Sadowski?” Actually, that last one ain’t bad.

Thomas, who stars on the CBS sitcom Life in Pieces, recently revealed on James Corden’s  The Late Late Show that he and Amanda got hitched in a meadow or something equally twee. It would be a darling story but for two things:

1). Amanda and a then-married-to-some-other-chick Thomas might have gotten together whilst doing a Broadway play in 2015. The fun part of this rumor is that Mandy might have at some point allegedly followed Thomas and his then-bride Kimberly Hope to Europe to go steal her man. And it looks like she did! (Couldn’t she have stolen my husband in a somewhat less dramatic setting like Philly or East Orange? It would have been a total Hollywood romantic comedy if some chick wasn’t left crying under the David’s balls in Florence).

2). The other day I was trolling on Tumblr for porn. Don’t judge, it was research for a post (no it wasn’t). Some spicy GIFs suddenly scrolled in front of me. They were of some chick on a boat crawling up to whomever was holding the camera, pulling down his drawers, and you can draw your own conclusions as to what happened next. And unless Kimberly Hope is a helluva revenge porn filmmaker with access to CGI machines, it was Amanda. The dick in question reportedly belongs to her ex Justin Long.

Please note that I immediately kept scrolling because I am a lady in spirit and that was obviously a private moment (“damn you Cloud,” Amanda must be thinking). Justin is probably fine. His face isn’t visible and he’s got a sizable prong on him, so it’s probably a proud moment for him and the Apple company.

Your fun surprise wedding and lovely birth story can get a little marred by all the alleged salaciousness, but take heart, Amanda and Thomas. Eventually explaining to your daughter how her parents got together in a shady manner and why there’s footage of mommy giving a combo handie/beej online won’t be that bad, versus explaining why mommy has a tattoo of the slang for vaginal shag on her foot. THAT is what’s going to embarrass the girl.


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