Here’s Your New Monopoly Tokens

Hasbro has been slowly ixnay-ing some of the classic Monopoly game pieces, because they haven’t been relevant since Monopoly debuted back in the 1930s. They recently asked the general public to vote on new pieces to introduce to the game. The votes are in, some pieces are out, and it would seem that people love representations of living creatures.

So, the Thimble is out, the Boot got booted, and the Wheelbarrow has been retired to the gardening shed. Now you can welcome the Rubber Ducky, the Penguin, and the T-Rex (no one voted for the Fleshjack?).

A whole SLEW of people cared enough to vote on this – 4.3 million people from over 146 countries, according to Vulture. Could board games be what finally brings us together again as a planet? If so, could Mrs. White (from the game Clue) having done it in the conservatory with the lead pipe bring peace to the Middle East, inspire Russia to stop hacking us, and deter the US government from falsely accusing hapless British people of wiretapping our insane president? Who knew?

If you’re not into the duck, the penguin or Matthew McConaughey, know that it could have been a lot worse.

If you think these new tokens are bad, at least the winners weren’t a winking emoji, a hashtag, or a clunky ’80s-style cellphone.

The Fleshjack wasn’t the only loser (in my mind) of the Great Monopoly Token Switch of 2017. A botox needle, a manbun, an enraged Uber driver, and a giant wall across the Mexican border were also considered and rejected (again, in my mind).

As long as they keep the racecar, I’m fine. I can recall childhood Monopoly games where bitches got slapped over the car. I think my little brother still has the handprint on his mug for daring to ask.

Pic: Hasbro