Hugh Hefner Laughs At Death

October 1, 2016 / Posted by:

The LAPD rang the Playboy Mansion’s doorbell yesterday (you can only image what that sounds like) to check on Hugh Hefner. TMZ called them in after receiving a tip that the legendary dirty old man had upgraded from bunnies to angels. Harvey Levin’s minions had him as dead! (Spoiler alert: he’s not.)

Contrary to past reports from some of the women contractually obligated to lay with him; he’s still breathing. The mansion’s staff assured the cops that Hugh, 90, is alive and his health hasn’t changed. It reads like he didn’t see them in person at that point. He was probably too busy pinned under a layer of beautiful young women coming to grips with some of their life choices as they argued amongst themselves over who’s going to “clean up.”

Despite TMZ’s assertion that Hef has been ill and “rarely comes out of his bedroom,” E! says that he called the cops back later to say he was fine, thanks, and why don’t you boys stop by the Grotto sometime for nude water polo with Candy and Tanya?

Authorities confirm that Hugh was alive and well, and shared that the ladies’ man later called the station to thank the officers for the response, and to let them know there was no issue with him and didn’t need their assistance, adding that Hef “sounded fine.”

Someone at KDSH (aka E!) must have gotten an earful from an angry bunny over TMZ’s “rarely comes out of his bedroom” assertion (and a Page Six story from this week that had his ashes already spread over various pairs of silicon titties). In their post, they have an “insider” (Hef doing an accent through the lapel of his silk bathrobe) saying that Hef isn’t sick, he’s just older than dirt.

“Hef is 90 years old, so he has the health of a 90-year-old. He’s an old man. I’m sure he’s not in the best of shape, but it’s just old age. This story [about his deteriorating health] always pops up, but as far as I know he’s just very old and there’s nothing really new about that,” the insider tells us.

Finally, Hef knows that if you’re tweeting, you’re living. He’s alive and throwing back a Viagra martini as you read this! (The pic above was taken in August at Hef’s annual Midsummer Night’s Dream party.)

It’s also movie night!

My condolences to the “cowgirls” who have to contend with a wizened old codger wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and toy six guns tonight.

Pic: Twitter

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