No, you’re not looking at a shot from the Before They Were Stars segment on the fake baby from American Sniper. A future Nobel Prize recipient named Simon Philion has launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for an invention called The Cool Baby. The Cool Baby is a fake baby that you can fill with the drinkable party liquid of your choice, then strap to your body BabyBjorn-style, allowing you to secretly suck booze through the top of the baby’s head. Currently he’s raised a little more than $13,000 of the $70,000 goal. Fuck Kickstarter, he should be taking that shit to Shark Tank. Think bigger, buddy!
The Cool Baby is a perfect invention, because everyone loves drinking and everyone loves babies. Sure, some people might wonder why the hell you keep kissing your baby’s head, and real detective types might wonder why you’re kissing a fake baby’s head, but who cares? You’re getting drunk on the sly, and that’s the best kind of drunk. Sadly, The Cool Baby isn’t a real thing just yet, so until then, it looks like I’m stuck with the old Shampoodle-filled-with-red-wine trick.
Here’s the video for The Cool Baby, and one of the suggested uses is for hands-free drinking and cleaning. Cleaning? Come on, that’s a stretch; everybody knows the best way to clean and drink is with a Guzzler Helmet.