Open Post: Hosted By The Real Elusive Chanteuse

February 12, 2015 / Posted by:

The last time I wrote about Janet Jackson, she, Jermaine, Rebbie and Randy were up to some suspicious shit and they dragged Katherine Jackson off to some Arizona resort. Janet has since given up scheming with her brothers and sisters and has laid very low. Janet’s only been photographed out in public a couple of times and the last time was on Halloween of last year when she gave us the visual definition of “snatchedat a Vogue event in Dubai. I’ve seen another dude’s dick live and in the flesh more times than I’ve seen new pictures of Janet Jackson. That’s saying everything.

Janet went shopping for shoes at Giuseppe Zanotti in Milan yesterday and the paps managed to capture a picture of her. Mark this day!

Miss Janet is married to billionaire businessman Wissam Al Mana¬†and she apparently lives in Saudi Arabia with him, so why should she leave the house? If she wants to go to the beach, she can just snap her fingers and her staff will build her a beach in her backyard. If she wants to go skiing, her staff will import snow from the Swiss Alps and a find a St. Bernard with a whiskey barrel collar (Note: You cannot go skiing without a St. Bernard with a whiskey barrel collar). If she feels like she wants to act again, her staff can whip up a script for Poetic Justice 2, build some sets and create a Tupac hologram in a couple of hours. (Or maybe the real Tupac is hiding out in Janet’s golden palace?)

Besides, Janet probably stays inside, because every time she leaves her palace, she hears the sound of heels clickity clacking against the ground followed by a little voice screaming, “Janet, Janet, it’s your sister Toy Toy. You look beautiful! Can I have a loan?” You know, if you squint your eyes while staring at Janet’s coat. You can almost see Detective La Toya hiding under there without Janet knowing. Detective La Toya is that good.


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