Open Post: Hosted By Jan Terri As The Virgin Mary

December 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Leave it to the legendary chanteuse and former HSOTW Jan Terri to tell the real story of the birth of the baby Jesus in a video for her 90s disco version of “Ave Maria.” Religious historians who have spent decades studying the birth of Jesus need to wipe away everything they’ve learned and have a seat, because Jan Terri is here to teach them exactly how it went down.

One day as the Virgin Terri prayed in the middle of a computerized village that looked like the old world version of Myst, a cigar-smoking, Al Bundy-like angel descended from the heavens and gave her a CASE OF THE BABIES by hitting her belly with some hot pink bacon rays. Months later, the Virgin Terri and a friend walked through the desert while she wore a pink Snuggie she bought at a Black Friday sale at Linens ‘N Things. (Yes, Black Friday existed before Christmas.) The Virgin Terri eventually made it to the manger where she gave birth to a baby doll she named Jesus. She celebrated the birth of our messiah by dancing with her bass-playing friend. The Virgin Terri didn’t have time for motherly stuff because she had to spread peace in the world. She ascended up into space and stopped a war and destroyed satellites with hot pink bacon rays that shot out of her hands. That is the real story. Behold:

Thank you, Jan Terri, for blessing us with the true story of Christmas! And thank you lord for the gift of Jan Terri!

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