If you spent some time with Christopher Meloni’s “large bag of pepperonis” bulge today, then I’m sure your genitals tingled themselves raw and are currently huffing and puffing and can barely lift themselves since they’re all out of energy. Well, slap that bitch awake and feed it some Gatorade, because it’s time for round 2 now that Mickey Rourke is here looking like a barbecued rawhide chip in hot neon green Spandex leggings and frazzled abuelita hair. Mickey Rourke is giving us Richard Simmons’ butch grandma hotness.
It’s strange, I don’t remember seeing on the news last night that there was a 40 car pile-up in West Hollywood and dozens of people had to be transported to the hospital after passing out. Because here’s Loki’s soulmate standing outside of a gym in West Hollywood yesterday and you’d think that drivers would’ve been blinded by the glaring sexiness beaming off of his melted tennis ball crotch and lost control of their cars. Then after crashing into each other, you’d also think that drivers would jump out of their cars, take in more of Mickey’s hotness and pass out on the street. And no, I didn’t actually watch the news last night since I was too busy watching 20 episodes of Flip or Flop (which sadly isn’t a gay porn game show), but you’d think HGTV would break in to report on the adventures of Mickey Rourke’s dick.