YAAAASSSS! Pretty Much Everyone From OITNB Got An Emmy Nomination

Bust out the prison toilet wine! The Emmy nominations were announced this morning by human doll Mindy Kaling and human-like animatronic Carson Daly, and most of it was as predictable as an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives (a douchey troll doll stuffs his face with garbage, the end). All the hos from Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones got nominations, as well as the Leo DiCaprio of television, Jon Hamm, who got his annual Emmy nomination. But there was some light at the end of the sleepy tunnel (seriously, why do they announce this shit at like 5am?): Orange is the New Black was nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series, and Piper, Crazy Eyes, Sophia, Red, and Nicky all got acting nominations. The full list is here, but you can read most of them after the cut. I’ll warn you now: don’t read it with a mouth full of coffee, because you’ll spit it all over your screen when you read that Marky Mark’s Wahlburgers got a nomination for best reality show.

Outstanding Drama Series
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
Mad Men
True Detective
House of Cards

Outstanding Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory
Louie
Modern Family
Veep
Orange is the New Black
Silicon Valley

Outstanding Actress in a Comedy
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Taylor Schilling, Orange is the New Black

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Louis C.K., Louie
William H. Macy, Shameless
Ricky Gervais, Derek

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Anna Chlumsky, Veep
Allison Janney, Mom
Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live
Kate Mulgrew, Orange Is the New Black

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy
Adam Driver, Girls
Jessie Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Fred Armisen, Portlandia
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Tony Hale, Veep
Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy
Natasha Lyonne, Orange Is the New Black
Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black
Laverne Cox, Orange Is the New Black
Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live
Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night Live
Joan Cusack, Shameless

Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy
Bob Newhart, The Big Bang Theory
Nathan Lane, Modern Family
Steve Buscemi, Portlandia
Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live
Louis C.K., Saturday Night Live
Gary Cole, Veep

Outstanding Actress in a Drama
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Claire Danes, Homeland
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Lizzy Caplan, Masters of Sex

Outstanding Actor in a Drama
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Woody Harrelson, True Detective

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Lena Headey, Game of Thrones
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama
Diana Rigg, Game of Thrones
Kate Mara, House of Cards
Allison Janney, Masters of Sex
Kate Burton, Scandal
Margo Martindale, The Americans
Jane Fonda, The Newsroom

Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama
Paul Giamiatti, Downton Abbey
Reg. E Cathey, House of Cards
Robert Morse, Mad Men
Beau Bridges, Masters of Sex
Joe Morton, Scandal
Dylan Baker, The Good Wife

Outstanding Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story: Coven
Fargo
The White Queen
Bonnie and Clyde
Treme
Luther

Outstanding Television Movie
The Normal Heart
The Trip to Bountiful
Killing Kennedy
Sherlock: His Last Vow
Muhammad Ali’s Greatest Fight

Outstanding Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Cicely Tyson, The Trip to Bountiful
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Coven
Kristen Wiig, Spoils of Babylon
Helena Bonham Carter, Burton and Taylor
Minnie Driver, Return to Zero

Outstanding Actor in a Miniseries or Movie 
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dancing on the Edge
Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart
Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: His Last Vow
Idris Elba, Luther”
Martin Freeman, Fargo

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie 
Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Coven
Frances Conroy, American Horror Story: Coven
Angela Bassett, American Horror Story: Coven
Allison Tolman, Fargo
Ellen Burstyn, Flowers in the Attic
Julia Roberts, The Normal Heart

Outstanding Supporting Actor Miniseries or Movie 
Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
Martin Freeman, Sherlock: His Last Vow
Joe Mantello, The Normal Heart
Colin Hanks, Fargo
Jim Parsons, The Normal Heart
Alfred Molina, The Normal Heart

Outstanding Reality Show Competition
The Amazing Race
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef
The Voice

Outstanding Structured Reality Show Competition
Undercover Boss
Antiques Roadshow
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives
Mythbusters
Shark Tank
Who Do You Think You Are

Outstanding Unstructured Reality Show Competition
Alaska: Last Frontier
Deadliest Catch
Flipping Out
Million Dollar Listing
Wahlburgers
Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan

Outstanding Reality Show Host
Betty White, Betty White’s Off Their Rockers
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With the Stars
Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum, Project Runway
Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance
Anthony Bourdain, The Taste
Jane Lynch, Hollywood Game Night

Outstanding Variety Series
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Jimmy Kimmel Live
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live