Finally, finally, it took long enough. You’d think that there’d be at least two or three dick slips a day during a tournament (or whatever the hell you want to call that shit) where a bunch of dudes in flimsy shorts run around and grab each other, but as far as I know there has been none. But all that changed during Ghana’s match against Portugal when one of Portugal’s players (not Crispy Ronaldo, sadly) grabbed at Jordan Ayew’s silky shorts, exposing his wrapped up package.
Deadspin says that Jordan’s bulge looks like a wrapped-up six-inch Subway sub. Six inch? Rude, but sort of accurate. I’ll give Jordan more credit and say that it looks like a foot-long that was nibbled on and then wrapped up for later. And here it is in GIF form:
It’s flopping around so much that I thought it was going to drop down and kick that ball into the goal. Jordan’s lucky that biting bitch wasn’t around or it would’ve been a terrible, terrible Lorena Bobbitt situation.