Open Post: Hosted By Miley Cyrus And A Giant Inflatable Penis

May 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Canary Yellow’s glue-sniffing hooker-looking country cousin Miley Cyrus is currently terrorizing London (cut to Baby Prince George giving “Ugh WHY?” face). On Friday night she performed a surprise show at Heaven’s G-A-Y and because Miley isn’t Miley unless she’s putting something gross in her mouth, she licked an giant inflatable penis that was floating around in the audience. And this possum-brained trick wonders why she’s always laid up in the hospital with 50-CCs of penicillin pumping directly into her bloodstream.

She also dedicated her show in honor of her friends’s 23rd birthday by letting this gem escape from her freon-filled thoughts:

“He’s straight but I said that for years too, and finally it gets easier. You know, everyone’s a little bit gay. Some of us just a little bit more than others. You know, it’s the truth. Everyone’s gay. All it takes is one cocktail. And if that doesn’t work, sprinkle something in their drink. That’s what I always do.”

For those of you concerned Miley is advocating the use of roofies to turn someone gay, I don’t think that’s the “something” she’s alluding to. First off, Miley would never waste drugs on someone else, no matter what kind they are. Roofies, Viagra, Celebrex; a pill is a potential party and it’s going in her mouth. The only “something” she’s sprinkling in their drink is a mouthful of dried flakes that fall off her diseased tongue when she talks. I don’t know how that’s supposed to turn someone gay; maybe they’re hoping that a sip on Miley’s cooch will hold the antidote to the mouth disease they just drank?

Pic: Instagram

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or get into long-ass fights, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. And some comment threads will be pre-moderated, so it may take a second for your comment to show up if it's approved.

alt="drupal analytics" >