Goopy Paltrow’s Trainer Can’t Wait To Transform Lena Dunham’s Body

September 12, 2013 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow has given credit to her friend/trainer/partner in dumbassery Tracy Anderson for fixing her “long butt and getting rid of her “batwings.” Basically, Goopy used to be a bat monster from Beastmaster and Tracy Anderson transformed her into the dehydrated stick of jicama she is today. That’s what Tracy Anderson does. She transforms! But Tracy told The Cut (via The Daily Mail) at an UsWeekly party the other night that she can’t transform Lena Dunham’s body yet. Girls is Tracy’s favorite show (so she says) and she regularly sends her trainers to the set to train producer Jenni Konner, but she’s not allowed to train Lena Dunham. Tracy Anderson spit this out about transforming (read: making that trick not fat-shaped) Lena Dunham’s body:

“I send trainers to the set. But I will tell you that [Lena]’s not allowed to transform her body right now. [Girls] producer Jenni Konner is a diehard client of mine and a dear friend, so we joke, and she says, ‘You can’t transform her yet.’ Yes, I could transform her and I could transform her character. I was on the show – her character was doing my DVDs in an episode last season. She does work out!”

And then Tracy spit this out about all the diverse bodies on television:

“One of the things I can’t stand the most is all the fashion magazines where all the women look exactly the same. I train everyone from Jennifer Lopez to Gwyneth Paltrow, you know, and I’m a totally different body type. I think there needs to be more emphasis in art and entertainment and fashion on all different body shapes.”

She went on to say, “Except fat shapes! But I can transform those!”

What is with this “transform” shit? I know that Tracy is a bridge Muppet who keeps the tortured souls of her clients in her necklace and makes them do a thousand leg lifts by biting at their ankles, but I didn’t know she was a magical wizard too. Bitch can transform shit! If only Tracy could use her magical powers of transformation to transform her brain.

Pics: Splash,

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