Open Post: Hosted By Ryan Lochte In A Wetsuit

August 20, 2013 / Posted by:

As part of a publicity stunt for Combos pizza pretzels, the human gold fish that is Ryan Lochte squeezed into a dick-suffocating (or maybe those are Combos in his crotch?) wetsuit, jumped from a moving watercraft, swam in the Hudson River and delivered snacks to fans at the Midtown Ferry Terminal in NYC today.

Instead of asking, “Would you hit it?” (SPOILER ALERT: We’re all sluts who like ’em dumb and full of cum, so DUH), I’m going to ask you if Ryan Lochte gave you some Combos that were in a backpack strapped to his back as he swam through a river of dead body parts, rat piss, shit from all kinds of creatures, boat oil and barf, would you eat it?

I’d eat it, because I’ve put my mouth on dirtier things before. I’m talking about McDonald’s, you sucio fuck!


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