A Judge Throws Out The Racial Discrimination Claims Against Paula Deen

August 12, 2013 / Posted by:

If that isn’t a “Why does this food smell like oleander” side-eye, then I don’t know what is.

A judge in Georgia ruled today that the former restaurant manager Uncle Bubba’s Seafood and Oyster House who’s suing Paula Deen and Bubba Hiers for racial discrimination (and other acts of fuckery) can’t sue for racial discrimination because she’s not the race that was allegedly discriminated against. The former restaurant manager, Lisa Jackson, claimed that butter-slathered slurs slipped off of Paula’s tongue and that she once made her extremely uncomfortable by talking about a slave-themed wedding complete with black waiters in white suits. Lisa said in her lawsuit that although she’s white, she has two biracial nieces and was offended by the racist ridiculousness that shat out of Paula and Bubba’s mouths. Paula’s lawyers brought up the Prop 8 ruling and argued that Lisa can’t sue for discrimination against black people, because she’s not black. The judge sided with Team Paula and erased the racial discrimination claims from Lisa’s $1.2 million lawsuit. Paula could kiss a gay, because her Prop 8 defense actually worked. For the last couple months, Paula Deen has been losing left and right since every company on Earth dumped her bacon-stuffed funnel cake ass and today she was finally able to let out a 400-calorie sigh of relief.

U.S. District Court Judge William T. Moore Jr called Lisa Jackson an “accidental victim” and that “there are no allegations that defendant Hiers’s racially offensive comments were either directed toward plaintiff or made with the intent to harass her.” Before celebrating by taking off all their clothes and rolling around in a puddle of melted butter, a rep for Paula and Bubba said this to UsWeekly:

“We are pleased with the Court’s ruling today that Lisa Jackson’s claims of race discrimination have been dismissed. As Ms. Deen has stated before, she is confident that those who truly know how she lives her life know that she believes in equal opportunity, kindness and fairness for everyone.”

And as the rep said the words “kindness and fairness for everyone,” Paula’s supposed soul sister and business partner patched up the hole in her trailer with duct tape and cardboard while Paula screamed at one of her maids to moisturize a dry spot on her ass cheek with Crisco and rare butter imported from Norway.

AP says that the judge is keeping Lisa’s sexual harassment claims against Bubba and will rule on that later.

So in other words, the judge isn’t saying that Paula might be guilty of racial discrimination. The judge is only saying that Lisa Jackson can’t sue for it because she’s white. That means a black employee could sue, which means that Jellyroll better call up her lawyer!

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