Would You Hit It?

March 22, 2013 / Posted by:

That scent of strawberry shampoo and unattainable dreams wafting into your right nostril is from Amy Adams’ 80s hair commercial hair and that scent of Pierre Cardin cologne and a dried cum stain on a Little Trees wafting into your left nostril is coming from Christian Bale. Amy Adams and Christian Bale are currently in Boston to shoot David O. Russell’s newest Oscar-bait movie about the Abscam operation.

I refuse to believe that Christian Bale put on a bald cap and a comb over wig to look like a sleazy stereotypical used car salesman who jacks into the glove compartment of every car he’s selling and who’s been kicked out of every Waffle House in the area for giving the shocker to all of their waitresses. That isn’t a hairpiece on Christian’s head. Christian doesn’t fake shit. Christian made his scalp stop growing hair with HIS MIND, or he yelled at his follicles in the mirror until they got so scared that they stopped growing hair.

And yes, I’d hit it on the vinyl seats in the back of a Chevy Caprice. There’s something about a sleaze ball who keeps his shirt and tie on during fuck times and throws his tie over his shoulder when he’s about to hit it from the back.

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