Lohan Got A Discount

December 27, 2012 / Posted by:

For all you bitches who are currently having issues with the IRS (which is a lovely organization so please don’t audit me for mentioning you on a gossip blog), take heart. You still have to pay but discounts are possible. Just do what Ole’ Swole Lips up there did. When the dude comes to collect the check, answer the door in your hottest fishnet bodysuit with a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 clutched in your claw. Grab him by the tie, yank his ass in, get on your knees, and suck that dude’s dick like you were scuba diving and his cock had the oxygen. Give that guy the best head he’s ever had in his life. Make him feel like you just sucked his soul out through his cock. Yes, IRS workers have souls and they’re beautiful like rainbows. And watch the amount you owe get smaller!

The utterly humorless Lindsay Lohan owed the IRS $100,000 because she snorted the 2009 tax payment for her house in Encino up her nose instead of handing it over. And E! sez they let her remove her lien for $93,701.57! Don’t you just love a bargain, as the Christmas Tree Shop ads in my neck of the woods used to jingle? She was able to use the $100,000 she got from yuckmouth Charlie Sheen to pay her debt, AND she had money left over to buy scratch tickets for the rest of the Lohans as Christmas presents! The rest went to Roto-Rooter. Lindsay Lohan is a financial genius! Suze Orman better watch her ass. Cuz’ Lindsay misplaced a crack rock and she’ll go up an ass to find it.

This doesn’t mean that Lohan’s checking account is ready to bloom once again (if it was, she’d find a way to harvest and smoke that shit). She still owes $133,000 for her 2010 taxes AND owes for her 2011 taxes. That’s a lot of cocksucking. Her jaw’s going to be in traction. I’m sure White Oprah can chip in (“I’ll take the 50 dicks on the right.” – Dina Lohan).

Nana Lohan, don’t answer any of Lindsay’s calls for the foreseeable future. That shifty bitch would totally put her granny on the corner to cover her tab.

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