Brad Pitt’s Got A Pimp Cane Now

January 8, 2012 / Posted by:

Wearing a chiffon bag in a lovely shade of dried cat barf (I think the exact color is Pantone #49uncool), St. Angie Jolie escorted Brad Pitt to the Palm Springs International Film Festival and tried not to let out a trickle of saintly laughs when he told People the reason why he’s hobbling around with a pimp cane. Maddox has the awful job of slathering Icy Hot on Pepaw Pitt’s screwed up knee and it’s all because:

“I was carrying my daughter [Vivienne] down the hill and I slipped. It was either her or me.”

You would think that Vivienne would be able to heel the torn ligament in her dad’s knee by pressing her tiny palm against it while blowing out a few healing saliva bubbles, but her powers are not that strong I guess. Because Brad has to walk around with a cane for a little while.

Ho, please! Fell down a hill? We all know what really happened. Angie shanked him in the knee with her elbow bone and then slapped him in the nuts with her forehead vein after she read that Jennifer Aniston shit. That’s what really happened and I’m sure the bible of truth that is Star Magazine will spread the real facts on their cover this week.

The fell down a hill crap is as believable as Brad saying that he slipped in the shower. Like that bitch takes showers. That being said, Maddox should still get Brad a Life Alert just in case.

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