Open Post: Hosted By Paranoia

January 11, 2011 / Posted by: Michael K

This is one of my nightmares come to life on the Internet! A few weeks ago, I was browsing for shelf liners at the Duane Reade when some loud ass bitch on a cell phone slid next to me and started yammering out some shit like, “But if I am pregnant, should I even tell him?” As those words came out of her mouth, my eyes landed on a pack of wire hangers. This made me feel uncomfortable so I moved on to the body wash section and that ho followed my ass! It seemed like she was stalking my every move and at one point I really thought she was going to throw verbal hate at my busted IDGAF sweats and rain boots (It was my homage to Brit Brit, okay?) to the person on the other end of the phone.

Did I really want to sit in a jail cell in THAT OUTFIT after getting arrested for slapping that trick in the face with a bag of Bugles? Knowing that the roach’s nest on my head was not mug shot ready, I made the wise decision to check out and exit the building.

Jack Vale brought Cell Phone Girl to life during the holiday season at some Target and filmed it all for our viewing pleasure. Jack followed people around and narrated their actions into his cell phone. The generous amounts of “….the hell you think you are?” looks make this video entertaining, but the memaw who fights back at the end takes this to the top. I kept waiting for her to calmly slip on her fightin’ rings and gesture to Jack to meet her in the parking lot. That memaw’s hair was definitely mug shot ready.

via Buzzfeed

Tags: Open Post

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