The Obama Streaker Got Got

Juan Rodriguez, the Staten Islander who stripped off his clothes and dignity to streak in front of President Obama, will have to accept the horrified stares directed at his succulent fupa as payment, because a $1 milllion money order is not going to find its way into his titty alley anytime soon. The billionaire who offered up the cash to the first bitch who promoted his new website by running nekkid ass nekkid in the presence of Obama is slowly backin’ up backin’ up and refusing to pay until the president himself confirms this mess. The White House responded with this:

Evil billionaire mastermind Alki David tells The New York Post that even though the attention from Juan Rodriguez’s stale Honey Baked Ham dash doubled his website’s traffic, he wants to hear it from Obama’s mouth before he pays the bounty for the booty. Alki stroked his fluffy white Persian cat, raised his brow of wickedness and said, “We’re waiting to hear from the president to see if he, in fact, saw Juan Rodriguez during the streaking challenge. It’s a lot of money. We’re not going to give the money away lightly.” Cackle! Lightning! Cackle!

Tell that to Juan Rodriguez, the 24-year-old father of three still thinks that he’s going to get the cash. Don’t hold your fart, Juan, it’s not coming. Juan cried to The Post that he used $1,300 of his own money to pull off the stunt and said that he risked getting shot in the anus by the secret service.

Does Gloria Allred also represent scorned sadlings with penises, or is she strictly snatchly? Because this is totally a case for her! Alki David (which is also The Hoff’s bar crawl nickname) must pay for this! You can’t promise a whore a pile of money to take off his clothes and stroke your website’s dick until it jizzes and then not pay up! But then again, you shouldn’t take off your clothes and stroke a website’s dick until it jizzes without getting paid in full first.