It’s Even More Terrifying When It Moves!

Almost a week after she debuted her new auto-tuned face on People Magazine, Heidi Montag went on Good Morning America today to try to move her mouth while talking about why she turned herself into a Joan Rivers real doll (4 words that can send the strongest of genitals into a coma).

If you’re too afraid that watching the entire interview above might cause you to hate your dildo for being made out of silicone, here’s some quotes that’ll test your gag reflex:

On bitches saying that she’s addicted to plastic surgery: “I would say that none of those people know me at all, and that’s just a judgment. I’m not addicted. If I were addicted, I would have had 10 plastic surgeries. I really had 2 different surgeries. I had one three years ago, and one that I had several procedures one, weeks ago. If you’re addicted, you have to do it all the time.”

On bitches saying she looks like a clearance bin Barbie: “I hope I have my own Barbie one day. I think I look like myself. I think I just look like a different, improved version of myself.”

On the message she’s sending to young girls who look up to her (GULP!!!): “My main message is that beauty is within….. I’m living in my skin, and I look in the mirror and it’s my career and my life, and you only have one. So, I want to take advantage of everything and be the best me, in and out, every way.”

On bitches saying her plastic-over is just a publicity stunt to promote her album: “No, that’s all God’s timing.”

The best part of this mess is when Heidi is asked to sing something. Fortunately for all the earsdrums in the room, Heidi politely declined, because she said her jaw was still delicate from surgery. Well, bitch just blew (punned on purpose) her music career. No producer is going to ever want to “work” with her again after finding out she has a temperamental jaw.