Considering he has led a life that involved taking a chomp out of a bat and not exactly always being the best-behaved husband to Sharon Osbourne, I figured if Ozzy Osbourne ever died it’d be in some wacko reason – likely caused by Sharon or that bat’s offspring in a quest of Kill Bill revenge. Alas, Ozzy has trucked along for a while, but he did have a life-threatening scare recently – caused by the neighborhood manicurist.
The Irish Sun reports Ozzy spent several days in the hospital recently with a life-threatening infection on his finger believed to have come from a trip to get his nails done:
“I was in hospital for a couple of days and had emergency surgery, and I remember waking up in the morning and Sharon said: ‘What the f*** have you done to your hand?’”
I figure that’s how the Osbournes normally greet each other in the morning, but Ozzy said his finger swole to the size of a lightbulb while performing in the U.S.:
“The funny thing is they reckon I got it from a manicure! It won’t stop me from heading to the UK in February.”
I’d normally serve an excuse like that from a known steppin’-outter (no, that’s not a word, but role with it) with a big ol’ “mmhmm,” but I’ve seen some rank aftermath from bad manicures. The infected hand is also his right hand, and as a rightie, Ozzy is bemoaning how he can’t even wipe his own ass and added “and I didn’t have many fucking volunteers who would do it for me.” Somehow, I don’t think many are going to be volunteering as tribute for that one, Oz.