Some say the ideal Joaquin Phoenix interview is a mix of weirdness, arrogance, unintentional humor, and a spritz of douche. We’re all in luck, because that’s what Joaquin Phoenix delivered when he was interviewed for Interview magazine by Will Ferrell. If you’d like a quick gauge on the Joaquin-y quality of this interview, there’s the fact that at one point he describes children as smelling profoundly of rotten bananas. So here we go!
Joaquin has a few new films out soon, like You Were Never Really Here and Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot, as well as the upcoming The Sisters Brothers. Joaquin would probably rather talk about what pie tastes like with his girlfriend than do press, but sadly it’s part of the job. Which led him to an interview with Will. .
Will Ferrell seems sort of like an odd choice to interview the king of the grumpy hipsters, but it would appear they got along great, because the interview is lengthy and there are a lot of bonkers gems. Both Will and Joaquin say they’re too old to be on social media and probably never will be (Joaquin says, “I just have absolutely no desire“). And then this exchange took place:
Will: “I was recently thinking about your role in Gladiator. I was thinking about your role in that movie, and the reason why it works is because you’re such a little bitch…In your personal life, are you sometimes a little bitch?”
Joaquin: “Be more specific.”
Will: “Can you get a little bitchy if you’re in a bad mood?”
Will also asks Joaquin if while working with M. Night Shyamalan if he ever called him M. Night Shyamalamadingdong (he didn’t). As for the thing about bananas:
Joaquin: “Having bananas around the house is like having kids. I don’t have kids but I have nephews, and I grew up in a big family with a lot of kids, and I have to say that the smell of rotting bananas seemed to permeate the household throughout my entire childhood. And I feel like, if you wanted to know what it’s like to have kids, you could get a banana and throw it on your bed for a few weeks, then you’d kind of know what you’re going to be dealing with. Because bananas are basically – that’s what toddlers eat, right?”
Joaquin may at least pretend to be an intelligent person, but here’s something he doesn’t know: what Valentine’s Day is.
Joaquin: “Did you know that it’s Valentine’s Day?”
Will: “I did. I’m going to a group Valentine’s Day dinner with my wife and four other friends.”
Joaquin: “That sounds awful. Can I ask you a question? What is Valentine’s Day?”
At one point during the interview, Will takes a phone call from his wife and Joaquin says, “This is so fucking unprofessional. I can’t believe you’re doing this” before calling his dog over. Joaquin was probably joking, although it’s doubtful that Will and Joaquin are BFFs in the making. Do not expect Joaquin to bro down at your Super Bowl party, Will.
Will: “Well, next year I’ll invite you over to watch the Super Bowl.
Joaquin: “You don’t have to.”
Will: “You don’t even have to watch it.”
Joaquin: “I’m trying to do this thing where I’m being honest with people – I don’t want to come. But I’d love to come over to check out your bananas sometime.”
Aw, that would be nice. Will just has to make sure he doesn’t accidentally book their banana date on Super Bowl Sunday, otherwise that could get weird for his other guests. “Who’s that greasy hobo in the kitchen? Oh, it’s that little bitch from Gladiator, Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah, he’s just here to look at the bananas, pay no attention to him.”