Brohunk of questionable intelligence (I still would, repeatedly.) Chris Pratt has officially filed for divorce from Anna Faris, according to TMZ. Well, hell, Anna’s already rolling over in bed to bid “buongiorno” to another dude in Italy, so let’s close this chapter and get to Chris Prattin’ the ladies openly!
Despite citing “irreconcilable differences,” there is little sizzle to this steak. TMZ’s source says that the proceedings are “totally amicable.” Anna filed her response at the same time, and the documents were reported to be “mirror images of each other.” There’s not even a brief mention of an aspiring goat-milker slash actress getting on Chris to avoid the realization that the movie that they were filming was both terrible and creepy. And not in a fun way.
They have both asked for joint custody of their son Jack and, although both are eligible to ask for spousal support, it’s “unlikely either will ask for it.” Girl, you’re on a CBS sitcom. He’s got Star-Lord on board for light years. Get that Marvel money, honey! They had a prenup, and the property settlement is “almost completely worked out.” The naive, wide-eyed child within kind of admires these two for keeping it adult and respectable. “FOR NOW.” – the spiteful, jaded old lady with the smoker’s cough within.
Chris has had an interesting week. On Thursday night, People reports that he issued a warning on Instagram to his female fans about some fool impersonating him on Facebook.
“PERVY DUDE ALERT!!! (Not a joke) It’s confirmed: somebody is trying to pretend to be me on Facebook (and maybe other social media platforms) apparently hitting on a lot of different female fans, trying to get their numbers and who knows what else. I’m not joking,” the actor wrote as part of a long Instagram caption.
Chris went on to talk about punching people and kindly explaining how Twitter works.
If I find out who it is I’ll have their account shut down and seriously would like to punch them right in the GD mouth. You hear that imposter!? Stop. My message to any fans who are contacted by someone claiming to be Chris Pratt: Look for the BLUE “VERIFIED” CHECKMARK next to the name. If there is no checkmark by my name that person is an imposter. I’m sorry.
And then he asked the imposter to let Jesus take the wheel.
Stop right now or you will@be very unhappy with the outcome. Go find Jesus. praying for you.
I’m praying for you but I will also slap you in the teeth for your pervy transgressions! Also, you’re really interfering with me being able to land hot snatch of my own on social media. No, wait, forget that last part. Does anyone know how to edit an Instagram caption?