Open Post: Hosted By Gretchen Saving The Day For Katy Perry

July 3, 2017 / Posted by:

Katy Perry’s 90s dance fart of a Taylor Swift diss track, Swish Swish, hasn’t exactly been a big hit for her. It peaked at #46 on the Billboard Hot 100. So before Swish Swish becomes Flush Flush and really ends up down the toilet, Katy has pulled out a high-powered secret weapon named GRETCHEN!

Gretchen (born name: Maria Odete Brito de Miranda) is a legendary Butt Music chanteuse from Brazil turned Brazilian Meme Queen! Every Mob Wives’ beauty and style icon must’ve been feeling charitable because she agreed to star in a certain little American pop star’s lyric video. File this under: One of the biggest acts of generosity in history.

While oozing massive amounts of sex, talent and mystery, Gretchen twirls and shakes her shit to Swish Swish. As soon as this video came out, I ran my fingers over to iTunes to see if Swish Swish was at #1. It’s not and that’s probably because it shot straight beyond #1 into the universe. Blame the star power of GRETCHEN!

Honestly, I think Katy Perry may have played herself, because I have a feeling that her label is going to drop her immediately and give a lifetime contract to Gretchen!

And as we all say, “Your move, Taylor,” I’m sure Tay Tay’s uploading a picture of her partying with the one and only Cuca at her Taymerica Fourth of July party. I know, Cuca would never!

Pic: YouTube

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