While working an armpit merkin (there’s no way he can grow hair there) and throwing a come hither look (Usher just saved that picture so fast), Justin Bieber gave his millions of Instagram followers a good look at the newest works of art on the Museum of Shitty Tattoos he calls a body.
The Biebs got a bear tattoo on his left tit, and that must be really confusing for anyone who has ever said, “I’d rather make out with a growling grizzly bear than suck on Justin Bieber’s left tit.” He also got a flying eagle inked right between his “Son Of God” and “Purpose” tattoos. The Biebs’ new tattoos tell me that if he wasn’t a multi-millionaire yodeling douche nugget, he’d probably be drinking a Natty Ice out of a paper bag while whistling at chicks from his sawed-off convertible pick-up truck in the parking lot of a Walmart. So basically, he’d be his dad.
And the Biebs also posted this video of him topless dancing with someone’s memaw:
I bet every hardcore Belieber is flooding Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram comments with questions about how to get a grandmaface quick. Because if they had that Benjamin Button’s shit, maybe Justin Bieber would actually show them some love.