Open Post: Hosted By Joe Jonas’ Nipples

July 25, 2016 / Posted by:

26-year-old Joe Jonas wanted to remind everyone that his little brother Nick isn’t the only Jonas who has man nipples and knows how to use them to get those Instagram likes. Joe covered all of the bases this weekend when he put this portrait of his waxed nipple knobs on Snapchat, Instagram and Twatter. Joe wanted as many eyeballs as possible to get a taste of his pec knobs and since I will post a picture of nipples belonging to absolutely anyone (see: Geraldo Rivera’s nipples), I am re-posting his pic here.

Joe posted this picture while at a photo shoot, and it feels like he’s trying to give us forlorn sexyface, but instead he’s giving us “sad doggy trying to guilt trip you into giving him a piece of your steak.” That picture is the kind of a picture a dude puts on Grindr when he wants to come off all deep, but sexy-like, and his profile would have a really thoughtful quote like this:

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” – Kneechee or some other dude like that, I don’t know

I know, I have a lot of thoughts about a damn shirtless picture of Joe Jonas. But I have one more and this one’s important. If nipples are the eyes of the torso, why doesn’t Joe’s nipples also have a pair of lusciously furry brows above them? Joe’s chest eyes look so sad and bare without a pair of hairy valances decorating them. That’s a tragedy.

And here’s Joe with his DNCE bandmates hosting a pool party at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas while looking like they were just kicked out of Coachella 1989.

Pic: Wenn.com, @JoeJonas

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