Jennifer Lopez has released the video for “Ain’t Your Mama“, and she got in her way way back machine and went girl power vintage for the video. A video that appears to be brought to you by the following companies: Peuterey jackets, Lavazza coffee, xtava hair dryers, Body Lab protein powder, Skinny Stix, Beluga Gold Line vodka and some app called Friendable. There are also so many wigs. But they’re all very necessary to the video, because JLo goes all out with the character work. JLo must have taken a introductory class at The Groundlings, because JLo does so many characters in this video. Let’s meet them all, shall we?
The first character we meet is a lady I like to call Rainy Angry. Once Rainy is done using a phone booth, she walks through the pouring rain back into her job as an anchorwoman. You’d think they’d have a damn phone in a newsroom that she could use, but apparently they don’t. Rainy Angry is angry – probably because she has to read the news in a soaking-wet coat – and she throws her papers.
The second character we meet is Jenny Draper, a 1950s housewife. Her husband is super hot and young. I bet he wears those socks with the garters and keeps them on when they do it. Jenny Draper doesn’t smoke, which feels really weird, because I’m pretty sure Party City includes a pack of pretend cigarettes with that costume.
The next character is another reject from the Mad Men cosplay section. This time it’s a combination of Joan, Peggy, and that dizzy bitch Meredith. I call her Bouncy, because she literally bounces in her seat while she works. Bouncy’s boss is a perv who looks down her dress, so she throws a glass of Beluga Gold Line™ vodka in his face. I know – how could Bouncy waste a perfectly good glass of vodka like that??
Then we meet Jenny the Bottle Capper. I think this is supposed to represent the 70s, but that dirty denim she’s wearing screams 2003. Jennie works in a soda factory and gets pissed at her boss, so she purposely knocks a crate of soda off the conveyor belt. That would never happen if that bottling line was run by Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney. As you can tell, JLo wastes so much food and drink in this video.
Eventually we get to the 80s and we meet Business McLopez. In case you couldn’t tell by that massive cellphone and purple power suit, Business is a businesswoman. Somewhere in that office, Cynthia from Working Girl is like “Why is her hair so flat?”
Finally we meet current day JLo, who wears RiRi boots and Beyonce hair. Wait, she skipped the 90s? How dare JLo deny us the image of her angrily knocking over a bottle of Orbitz in a busted Rachel Green wig!
Here’s the whole video. I’m not sure why, but now I have a craving for a smoothie made from Lavazza coffee and Beluga vodka.