“Let me no if u need n e help turning yr wedding in2 an expensive spectacle! I’m pretty shure I still got at least one of my wedding planning binders around here sumwhere.“…is a text Brody Jenner might receive from his former step-sister Kim Kardashian if they were on speaking terms. Who am I kidding? She’s too busy popping bottles of sparkling Botox in honor of Blac Chyna getting their family ten tons of attention today to know about Brody’s news.
Back in the mid-to-late 2000s it felt like Brody Jenner – who was still just Brody Jenner of The Hills and not Brody Jenner of That Awful Family – dated everyone. He was linked to Kristin Cavallari, Nicole Richie, Lauren Conrad, Jayde Nicole, Avril Lavigne, Paris Hilton, and Haylie Duff. Brody’s penis has seen more mid-to-late 2000s famous cooch than a Kitson dressing room. But for the past three years, he’s been with a chick named Kaitlynn Carter. And earlier today, he announced on Instagram that they’re getting married.
“On May 4th 2016 I got engaged to my lover and my best friend @kaitlynn_carter. I couldn’t be more in love with this woman and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her.”
Oh gross, “lover“? Can you get an engagement annulled? No, using the word “lover” isn’t that bad. It’s not good either, but whatever. It does make sense that Brody would call Kaitlynn his “lover“, since their thing is fucking a lot.
No word on when this wedding will happen, or if it will be taped for a very special episode of KUWTK or I Am Cait. But let’s be honest, it totally will. I hope Brody’s future wife is ok with her wedding to turn into the ME ME ME! show starring Caitlyn Jenner, Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, and the rest of the Krew (if they’re invited). I know your name starts with a K, Kaitlynn, but as long as there are kameras around, it’s not your day.
In the event you’d like to see what the front of Kaitlynn’s face looks like, here she is with Brody at an event in Las Vegas a few months ago.