Whenever an awards show rolls around, don’t you find yourself sitting there, worrying about the over-boiled jicama sliver that is Taylor Swift? Because she’s never at those things and she never ever wins a trophy and we know that she deserves at least a zillion of them. I once won 6th place (out of 6 contestants) in an accordion competition, and I’ve always wanted to send Tay Tay that trophy, just so she can have one. Thankfully something called the BMI Pop Awards (Side note: I hate my fingers for not typing “BM Poop Awards” instead) exist and they have come up with a surefire way for Taylor Swift to finally win an award. They have created the Taylor Swift Award and they’re going to give it to Taylor Swift. But really, I wish one of us ran the BMI Pop Awards, because we’d create the Taylor Swift Award and give it to Katy Perry.
Entertainment Weekly says that on May 10th, trophy deficient Taylor, seen above holding a bunch of alien dick dildo trophies, will accept the Taylor Swift Award at the 56th annual BMI Pop Awards in Beverly Hills. They haven’t said anything about the trophy itself, but I’m guessing it’s going to be shaped like a kitten sitting in a heart, it will smell like Tinkerbell cosmetics and whenever you leave the room its in, an internal alarm will go off and it’ll scream, “Don’t leave me! Please don’t leave me! I hate you! I hate you!”
BMI’s VP of Publisher Relations released this statement about Taylor Swift’s special award:
“Taylor Swift has transformed pop culture through her songs, artistry and indomitable spirit. She has had a profound impact, not only musically, but also through her personal conviction and commitment to create a standard that values and respects music for everyone. We felt it appropriate to award Taylor with an honor that is as unique and special as she is.”
Taylor isn’t the first one to get a BMI award named after her. Michael Jackson got the Michael Jackson Award from BMI in 1990.
Even though it’s called the Taylor Swift Award and it’s been announced that she will be the one to get it, I’m sure she’ll have to be carried to the stage by EMTs on a stretcher, because she’ll pass out from the shock of winning the Taylor Swift Award.
Here’s the future Taylor Swift Award recipient leaving a restaurant in L.A. with a knocked up Behati Prinsloo and Lily Aldridge.