And yes, I’ll wait here as you take a Windex wipe to your monitor since that post title is dripping with extra chunky sarcasm.
Every hot, skinny blonde bikini model can let out a giant queen of relief, because after Leonardo DiCatchACho’s cheesy peen reportedly spent time in RiRi’s vagine (yes, they both denied it, but let me believe), it has gone back to boning hot, skinny blonde bikini models. Page Six says that the Craigslist Orson Welles impersonator was creeping on Sports Illustrated model Kelly Rohrbach at 1Oak in L.A. the other night. I guess having to get her coochie flea-dipped and picking Leo’s beard mites off of her crotch didn’t keep Kelly away, because they hung out at a different club a few nights later.
Kelly was this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition “Rookie of the Year,” which is the same title Leo’s longtime piece Bar Refaeli (Side note: Yes, they dated on and off for only 6 years, but in Leo years that’s 5,689 years.) won in 2007.
We all have a type. Leo’s type is hot, skinny blonde bikini models who will hump on him to get their names in Page Six and my type is absolutely almost anything at this point. The Yoplait cup next to me is starting to look sexy. I’m that hard up. It’s times like these when Leonardo DiCatchAHo is probably so happy to be Leonardo DiCatchAHo, because if he wasn’t a multi-millionaire movie star he probably wouldn’t be wet humping on a Sports Illustrated model. He’d be using his beard grease as a lube to fap to a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition in his parents’ rec room.